An american, a russian, and a dane was discussing the differences between their countries. Pretty soon the general talking turned into general bragging about how terrific their respective countries where.
The Russian said, Our navy is so big, that if we all sailed out at once, it would cover every ocean in the world.
The American, not wanting to let the Russian get the better of him, continued, Well, our Air Force is so big that if all of our planes took off at once we could cover the sky all over the world.
The Dane thought for a while then said: I once new a guy in Odense whose dick was so long that 17 parrots could sit on it at once.
They stood for a while not saying anything, until the Russian decided he might modify his bold statement a bit, Well maybe the ships wouldnt cover ALL of the ocean.
The American, feeling the need for honesty as well said, Well, maybe the planes wouldnt cover all of the sky either I guess.
The Dane stood there for a while thinking, and finally said, Well, in all honesty the guy I knew might have lived a bit outside Odense actually.
What do you say to a baby Jewish American Princess?
Gucci Gucci Goo
A ten-year-old boy walked into a tavern and said to the barmaid, Give me a Scotch on the rocks.
Youre just a kid, said the barmaid. Do you want to get me in trouble?
Maybe in a couple of years, replied the boy. But in the meantime, Id still like that Scotch.
Seems applicable to most any largish corporation…
[Ed: This is quite long, but I enjoyed it.]
An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldnt find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, Hey you, what are you doing?I have to throw this away, replied the tourist.You cant throw it away here. Look, follow me, the policeman offered.The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. Here, said the cop, dump all the garbage you want.The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy? asked the tourist.No. This is the American Embassy.
Q:What does Bob Dole and the Empire State building have in common?
A: They both took 410 days to be erected.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Jesus walks upon a crowd with an adulteress crouching in a corner with a mob around her preparing to stone her to death.
Jesus stops them and says, Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!
Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fires off a stone at the adulteress and blasts her right in the head.
At which point Jesus looks over and says…
Mother! Sometimes you really TICK ME OFF!
Annas mother has 3 kids… the youngest daughters name is Penny… the middle daughters name is Nickel……. What is the oldest daughters name?
You think you know it???
Aww.. a smart one you are! You were probably thinking her name was Dime…. but if you were really smart you would know that the oldest daughters name is Anna!!!
What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew the lightbulb!