Old and New Jokes

You have all the Dukes of Hazzard episodes on tape.

You can give a summary of all the Dukes of Hazzard episodes.

You think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make when crossing the creek.

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

That race was all about competition. – David Coleman, ITV

And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us. – Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3

Mark Goodier: Whats the name of the company you work for?

Listener: Mining and Engineering Services. Mark Goodier: So, what kind of work do they do; is it mining and

engineering services? – BBC Radio 1

Marling – unbeaten in her three victories.

Peter OSullivan, BBC2 TV: Both drivers are fundamentally wearing white helmets.

James Hunt, BBC2 TV: A church spire nestling among the trees…theres probably a church there too. – Richie Benaud, BBC2 TV

Why dont men get hemorrhoids?

Because they are all perfect assholes!

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: Fun fun fun worry

worry worry

A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ohio!
Ohio who?
Ohio Silver!

A black man enters a bar with his gorilla. He says to the bartender, I would like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here.

The bartender looks at him like hes nuts and says, I’m sorry but I dont serve Gorillas in this bar.

The man has an idea. He takes his girlfriend home and shaves her head, gives her a wig, dress, and makeup.

Then he returns to the same bar. He places the same order and this time the bar tender gives it to them.

They go and sit in a corner while the bartender turns to his friend and says, Damn! Did you ever notice how all the good looking Iraqi ladies that come in here, always seem to be with black men?

A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrows final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the students immediate family.

One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, What about extreme sexual exhaustion?



The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Rocky!
Rocky who?
Rocky bye baby on the tree top…!

Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Chad!
Chad who?
Chad to make your acquaintance!