Q: How many first year civil engineering students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Thats a second year subject.

Una bella poetisa se pasea por la ribera de un río y se acerca a un galante pescador, que está sacando sus redes del agua, y le pregunta:

¿A qué te dedicas, buen hombre?

Soy pescador, señorita. ¿A qué se dedica usted?

Yo soy poetisa. Si quiere, en este momento le compongo un poema.

¡Me encantaría!, responde el hombre.

Dígame, ¿cuál es su nombre?

Juan Padilla, a sus órdenes.

La poetisa se inspira y recita:

Al valiente pescador, Juan Padilla, le llega el agua hasta la rodilla.

Ah, señorita, eso es muy fácil; a ver, dígame su nombre:

Mi nombre es Teresita Angulo.

Inspirándose, el pescador declama:

A la bella poetisa, Teresita Angulo, le llega el agua hasta la rodilla.

¡Pero, señor, eso no rima!, reclama Teresita.

¡Espere a que suba la marea, mi reina!

Un chaval le pregunta a otro:

¿Que quieres ser de mayor?

¿Yo? Imbécil.

¿Por qué?

Porque mi padre siempre dice: ¡Qué de pasta tiene ese imbécil! ¡Qué tía más buena sale con este imbécil! ¡Qué cochazo tiene ese imbécil!

Halfway thru bootcamp the hairlip calls home to his buddy. Man this is tough, the drill seargent took three of us way up in a plane.He opened the door and told the first guy JUMP!! and the guy did. He grabbed the next guy and said JUMP!! and he did.He looked at me and said JUMP!! I told him no i just cant. He pulled out his big thang and said, you jump or im gonna screw you with this. My goodness said his buddy, did you jump? Well yeah said the hairlip, a little bit right at first.

Boris was working in the potato fields,when he found a lamp. he rubbed it to clean it up when a genie appeared. the genie gave him one wish.boris did not believe the genie so he asked the genie to make his pee turn into the finest russian vodka the land has ever tasted.the genie said that will be done ,whenever you pee it will be vodka. boris went home that night to tell his wife,natasha, about the experience with the genie.together they decided to taste boris pee and sure enough it did taste like vodka, in fact the best they had ever tasted.so every night after work boris would rush home from the fields and promptly set out two glasses and then pee into each one for him and natasha to enjoy the vodka.one night boris came home and set out one glass,natasha noticed this and asked him if they were going to drink vodka tonite and boris replied,yes my dear we are,but tonite you drink from the bottle.

There were three kids that needed a place to stay for the night. They saw a house and knocked….. A farmer ansered the door and the kids asked if they could stay the night. The farmer said yes and told them to sleep in the barn but no matter what DONT eat his wifes fresh baked pie. So the kids went to sleep. It was 5:00am when they woke up and they were so hungry that they ate the pie. On the next day the farmer was going to punish them and he told them to go pick one fruit each. So thy did. The first kid came back with an orange and the farmer out it up his nose! The second kid came back with a cherry and the farmer put it up his nose! Both kids started laughing and laughung. The farmer said why are you laughing this was supposed to hurt. They said we saw the third kid picking a watermelon.

Kramers Law: You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.

Just when you get really good at something, you dont need to do it anymore.

There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The womans face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldnt graft any skin from her body because she was so thin. The husband then donated some of his skin…



However, the only place suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter!



After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the womans new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful beauty!



She was alone with her husband one day & she wanted to thank him for what he did. She said, Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!!!



He replied, Oh dont worry, Honey, I get plenty thanks enough every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!