Old and New Jokes

Un hombre muere y va al infierno. Allí se encuentra con que hay un infierno para cada país. Va primero al infierno alemán y pregunta:

¿Qué te hacen acá?

Aquí primero te ponen en la picana eléctrica por una hora, luego te acuestan en una cama llena de clavos por otra hora, y el resto del día viene el diablo alemán y te da de latigazos.

Al personaje no le gustó nada y se fue a ver en qué consistían los otros infiernos. Tanto el estadounidense como el ruso y el resto de los infiernos de distintas naciones hacían lo mismo que el alemán; entonces, ve que en el infierno argentino hay una fila llena de gente esperando entrar. Intrigado, pregunta al último de la fila:

¿Qué es lo que hacen acá?

Aquí te ponen en una picana eléctrica por una hora, luego en una cama llena de clavos por otra hora, y el resto del día viene el diablo argentino y te da de latigazos.

Pero es exactamente igual a los otros infiernos, ¿por qué aquí hay tanta gente queriendo entrar?

Porque la picana no anda porque no hay electricidad, los clavos de la cama se los robaron todos y el diablo viene, ficha y se va.

Knock-knock

Whos there?



Honeycomb



honeycomb who?



Honeycomb your hair

One day,little Timmy was at school and heard the word shit. He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him coats and jackets.

Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word fucking, and for a second time, asked his father what it meant. His father promptly said cooking.

Then,he returned to school the third day and heard the words bitches and hoes. He went home and his father told him it meant grandpa and grandma.

Later,on Thanksgiving night,his grandparents came over.

Timmy answered the door with glee and says…

Hey bitches and hoes! Ill take your shit to the closet cause dads in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

It was a average day in Bobbys first grade class. Around 11:00 he had to go to the bathroom, so he raised his hand and ask the teacher. The teacher noticed this pattern and asked him a question Bobby, if you want to go to the restroom, you have to recite the A-B-Cs Bobby being a below average student slowly recited
a-b-c-d-e-f-g-h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-q-r-s-t-u-v-w-x-y-z

The teacher noticed that he was missing a letter so the teacher replied Umm..Bobby, what happen to the p? Bobby replied Oh, Im sorry Ms.Swanson, but its runnung down my leg

Did you hear the one about the rope?

Nah, Ill skip it!

There were two blonds on their way to Disney World.

When they were getting close there was a sign that read, DISNEY WORLD LEFT,

So they turned around and went home.

Un viernes en la tarde llegan tres vampiros a un bar. Uno de ellos le pide al cantinero un shot de sangre bien caliente; se lo sirvieron y de inmediato se lo mandó.

El segundo pidió un rancho de borracho con buena sangre para que le llegara bastante alcohol; se lo sirvieron y se lo tomó con calma.

El tercero pidió un vaso con agua bien caliente. El cantinero, extrañado, le pregunta que por qué pedía eso. Entonces, el vampiro saca una toalla sanitaria usada y le informa que es para prepararse un té.

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.

The following exchange takes place…. The man says, Whats



the problem officer?





Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.





Man: No sir, I was going 65.





Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80. (The man gives his wife



a dirty look.)





Officer: Im also going to give you a ticket for your broken



tail light.





Man: Broken tail light? I didnt know about a broken tail



light!





Wife: Oh Harry, youve known about that tail light for weeks.



(The man gives his wife another dirty look.)





Officer: Im also going to give you a citation for not



wearing your seatbelt.





Man: Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to



the car.





Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt.





The man turns to his wife and yells, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!





The Officer turns to the woman and asks, Maam, does your



husband talk to you this way all the time?





The wife says, No, only when hes drunk.

Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

That shoe fits him like a glove.