A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man.
The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and hes without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers.
The old man glares at the young punk for him for the next ten miles, as the bus travels across the city.
Finally, the punk looks across at the old man, and yells, What are you looking at, old man! Didnt you do anything wild when you were young?
Without missing a beat, the old man replies, Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot… I thought you might be my son.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
After a long period of unemployment, a lumberjack finally succeeds in finding work. After six months of being out in the boonies and being totally bored to death during his off-hours, he asks one of his coworkers:
Ya know, Ive been out here in the middle of nowhere for six months now, and Im dying for some excitement. Any women around here?
His friend answers Sorry, Bud, no women around here, but if its excitement you really want, tell ya what… Theres an old cabin down by the riverbank, and an old guy namea Charlie lives there. If you dont mind spending a little money, Charlie will show you the time of your life.
NO. NO WAY!! I DONT GO IN FOR THAT KINDA STUFF!! WHAT THE HELL DYOU THINK I AM, ANYWAY?
Okay, but youre gonna be out here for a long time…
I dont care. Im not doing anything like that, so forget it.
And so…
Six months after this conversation took place, the fella goes back to his friend and sez…
I cant hack this anymore. Im going out of my mind from boredom. Six months ago, you told me about old Charlie down by the riverbank. How much will it cost to spend one night with the guy?
His friend answers Five hundred dollars.
FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS?? WHY IN GODS NAME DOES IT COST SO MUCH?
Well, theres two hundred for Charlie, and $100 apiece for each of the 3 guys who have to hold Charlie down. You see, old Charlie dont go for that kinda stuff either.
So ugly people could have sex.
Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Three – one to change the light bulb and two to say Oh Wow!
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
Q: How many Arians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just the one. You want to make something of it, eh?
Estaba la mestra preguntando a todos los niños en clase, que si qué harÃan de grandes y unos decÃan que ingenieros, doctores, contadores públicos, para ganar mucho dinero.
Llega con Pepito: y tu, Pepito ¿qué harás de grande?
Sembrador, maestra.
Dirás agricultor, Pepito.
Eso, maestra.
Ok, Pepito, agricultor a gran escala.
No, maestra, nomás 10 hectáreas.
Pero, Pepito, eso es muy poquito, y ¿qué sembrarás, Pepito?
Pelos, maestra.
¿Queeeee Pepito?
SÃ, maestra, porque oigo a mi tÃa que dice cuando se emborracha, tengo mucho dinero en los bancos, casas, carros, barcos etc… y todo lo he logrado con puñito de pelos, se imagina maestra con 10 hectáreas de pelos…
1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. Youve never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wifes birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
Wanted: Part-time marred girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
Wanted: Chambermaid in rectory. Love in, 200 a month; References required.
Wanted: Girl to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Salary and Blue Cross.
Wanted: Mothers helper, peasant working conditions.
Wanted: Widower with school-age children requires a person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
Wanted: 3-year-old teacher needed for preschool; Experience preferred.
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.
We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun.
We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we dont get our way we will not date anybody that aint blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff.
Sined by the blonds at the ofise,
(sine with a penseel so you can erace it if you make a mistake)