A huntsman was hunting in the mountains one day and he came upon a bear. as the bear chased him he triped he began to pray:please let this bear be a christian,please let this bear be a christian!!! all of a sudden the bear got on his knees and prayed: thank you dear lord for the wonderful meal i am about to eat!
31
Mar
31
Mar
Two guys decide to go to a newer restaurant they had been hearing good things about.
Upon being greeted at the front door they were promptly informed that they would not be allowed to enter since neither of them had a tie on.
While walking back to the car the driver remembers that there was a tie he had left in the trunk some time back.
He opens the trunk and sure enough – He finds the tie, his friend says – Well – what about me?
While the first guy is putting his tie on, He jokes to the other – why not just wrap those jumper cables around your neck – and for whatever reason the second guy agrees.
They walk back in and the host says: Alright guys – your catching me in a good mood, Ill go ahead and seat you – but you listen good.
You two better not start nothin!
31
Mar
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.
31
Mar
The elevator always comes after you have put down your bag.
31
Mar
Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one Ive never tried before.
31
Mar
what do you call a science joke?
STUPID.
31
Mar
Here I have two burglar stories:
The first one was about 4 years ago, in the bank, a guy stealed a check for about $50,000,000.00 mexican pesos (about USD $25,000.00 in that time) from another guy who was in the line.
Two police officers started to chase him, and when the guy realized that he will never get to collect the check, he ate it. The police had to release him as they didnt had any evidence of the crime. (The guy was in front of me in the line so, i guess it is true)
The second story is about another bank robbery, a man with no weapons robbed 3 banks in 30 minutes, How? The 3 banks are very close enough to make th is stunt. He entered the bank, tell the manager this is a robbery, i have no gun, but if you see, top of that building, there is a friend of mine with a shotgun and hes aiming at you, now gimme the money. He grabbed the money and proceed to the next bank. He repeated the same procedure in each bank and went away.
3 hous later, when they realized that the guy with the shotgun still there, the police, shure that they will catch the tief, went to the building and they finded… A dummy made with old clothes holding a broom!!!
30
Mar
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?
The blonde guy leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr-gerrrrr Kiiinnnggg.
30
Mar
The father of five children won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
Who is the most obedient?, he asked.
Who never talks back to mother?
Who does everything she says?
Five small voices answered in unison:
30
Mar
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over
the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just
kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took
out Earls old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in
the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become paralyzed, she called
her doctors office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart
would be.
On a woman, the doctor said, the heart would be just below the left
breast.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot
wound to her left knee.