18
Feb

Multiple weddings

A man marry one of three sisters.

Unfortunatelly, within a year or so she dies and he calls her parents to tell how terribly sorry he feels. Then he asks if he could marry their second daughter.

Well, they cant blaim him for being a bad husband to their child and they let him to have the second sister. Again, she prematurely passes away leaving him a widower, he calls his wifes parents to tell them what happened and asks if they wouldnt let him to marry their third daughter, what they do.

After a short period of time, the man calls the parents and says: You will laugh but your third daughter had died, too!

18
Feb

This old man!

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hells Angels bikers walked in.

The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old mans pie and then took a seat at the counter.

The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old mans milk and then he took a seat at the counter.

The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old mans plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a muttering word of protest, the old man gets up from his seat and quietly leaves the diner.

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, Humph, not much of a man, was he!

And the waitress replied, Not much of a truck driver either.

He just backed his truck over three motorcycles!

17
Feb

Un adolescente, de unos 17

Un adolescente, de unos 17 años, vuelve a su casa con una gran sonrisa en la cara. Su padre, extrañado le pregunta:

¿Por qué vienes tan contento, hijo?

¡Es que he tenido mi primera relación sexual, papá!

Sorprendido y entusiasmado, el padre le dice:

¡Muy bien! Ven, siéntate aquí y cuéntamelo todo.

¡Uf, si pudiera sentarme con el culo como lo tengo ahora!

17
Feb

A Blondes Dream

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.



Doctor: What was your dream about?

Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!



Doctor: (giggles quitely) So… what is the scenery like?

Blonde: I was running in a hall way.



Doctor: Then what happened?



Blonde: Well thats the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I cant open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldnt budge!



Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?

Blonde: Yes it did.



Doctor: And what did these letter spell?

Blonde: It said Pull

17
Feb

Jump School

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night
time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from
Jump School.

He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.
Scared, Lieutenant?, I asked.

He replied, No, just a bit apprehensive.

I asked, Whats the difference?

He replied, That means Im scared with a university education.

17
Feb

In a rush? (Sexual content)

After working together for a while, Dick and Janes office romance blossomed, and they really developed the hots for each other. One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust.

Dick finds Jane very tight, and difficult to enter, but finally succeeds.

When they are finished, Dick says to her, If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time!

To which Jane replies If Id have known you had more time, I would have taken off my pantyhose!

17
Feb

Sign seen in Belgrade hotel elevator

Sign seen in Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

16
Feb

Dos mexicanos se encuentran en

Dos mexicanos se encuentran en la cama y uno de ellos se la está dando al otro. El que está arriba pregunta:

¿Te gusta?

Sí, me gusta, contesta el otro.

¿Te duele?

¡Sí, me duele!

¿Y entonces por qué no gritas?

¡Pues porque soy BIEN MACHO!

16
Feb

Parking Lots

Two ladies are in a bar and the first lady says, Why are men the same as parking lots.



So the second lady says I dont know?”



So the first lady says, all the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicap!

16
Feb

Vaseline salesman

A Vaseline salesman is driving through the country, when his car starts
leaking and loses all its oil. Not knowing what to do, he fills the
engine with Vaseline, thinking that it is similar to oil, and drives away.
It works fine until about half an hour later, when the engine gets real
warm, and the Vaseline melts, and runs out through the same hole as the
oil did. This time there is a farm nearby, so he decides to look for a
phone.

Meanwhile, inside the farmhouse, the farmer, his wife, and daughter
are having a fight about whos going to do the dishes. I did them this
morning, complains the farmer. Well I did them at lunch, says his wife.
And Im tired from doing all the farmwork, says the daughter. So the
farmer, in a stroke of brilliance, decides that they will settle it by all
taking off their clothes, lying on the floor, and declaring that the first
one to speak gets to do the dishes.

The Vaseline saleman gets to the front door, and rings the bell.
No one answers so he goes in and looks for a phone. He eventually stumbles
into the kitchen, and ignoring the odd sight, asks for a phone. No one
answers, so he goes and looks some more. Still no luck, so he goes back to
the kitchen. They still wont answer, so he decides to see what else he
can get away with. He has sex with the daughter several times, bemused by
her silence, then finally goes and looks for the phone again. A while
later, he comes back, looks at the wife, and says, Why not? After having
sex with the farmers wife, he is getting tired and exasperated. He
thinks, maybe if they have some Vaseline, I can drive my car for another
half-hour. So he asks, Do you have any Vaseline? at which the farmer
jumps up and yells, Ill do the dishes!