An unmarried Rabbi is on an empty train when a sexy, beautiful woman walks into his empty carriage, carrying a foot long, BLT, Subway sandwich and proceeds to sit down opposite him.
After twenty minutes of emabarrasingly trying to avoid looking at the sexy woman opposite the train comes to a sudden halt and a voice comes over the speakers explaining that the Five Minute Warning has just gone off and that soon the UK will be under nuclear attack.
Shocked at this dreadful and sudden news the Rabbis thoughts quickly turn to the fact that he will probably be dead within the next five minutes. However instead of taking comfort from his faith and religious training he begins to consider all the things he never did and all the experiences he missed out on due to the religious life he chose to lead.
He quickly realises that he is going to die a virgin too, as he is quite a young Rabbi and he never married. Feeling close to despair at this thought and all the other opportunities he has wasted in his life the Rabbi looks up and sees that the sexy woman opposite is looking at him and smiling in a very sexually seductive manor.
Why not? The Rabbi thinks to himself. After years of leading a relatively good life and obeying the laws of his religion, why shouldnt he enjoy the last five minutes of his life on earth? Surley even God would forgive him five minutes of pleasure and sin after many years of obediently following his divine laws.
Wth this thought in mind the Rabbi decides that he is going to just go for it and forget the consequences and enjoy his final five minutes on earth. He therfore looks back at the girl and begins to smile too.
Feeling a little auckward about this highly unusual and unexpected situation the Rabbi gently leans over towards the gorgeous woman and says,
Excuse me Miss, but are you planning on eating that sandwich?
Posted in Jewish |
Q: Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can clean her crack and resell it the next day.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
What is the difference between a cheap hooker and an elephant?
One rolls on its back for peanuts and the other one lives in a zoo.
Posted in One Liners |
A man walks into the womans section of a department store and tells the sales clerk he wants to buy a bra for his wife.
What type of bra? asked the clerk.
Type? inquires the man, theres more than one type?
There are three types. Replies the clerk,
The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?
Still confused the man asked, What is the difference in them?
The clerk responds, It is really very easy. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Height of Patience:
A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree.
Height of Frustration:
A boxer trying to scratch his balls.
Height of Innocence:
A teenage girl applying Clearasil to her nipples.
Height of Laziness:
A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.
Height of Competition:
A guy peeing beside a waterfall.
Height of Sophistication:
Sucking nipples with a straw.
Height of Disgust:
While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper.
Height of Technology:
A condom with a zip.
Height of Trouble:
A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his arse is itching.
Posted in One Liners |
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
Theyre so wrapped up in themselves…
Posted in Seasonal / Holiday |
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Posted in Blonde |
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when
they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship
that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of
our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and
sink.
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon
however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were
swimming to the safety of shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the
female, lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the
shore. At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming
reluctant to follow him.
Whats the matter darling?
Look, she said, I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse
to swallow the seamen.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Three men were walking down the road when they saw a bottle. They picked it up and a Genie popped out. He said, Since there is 3 of you, I will give you one wish each. So the first man, wanting to be clever, wished to be 50% smarter than he already was, and POOF he was. The next guy, wanting to be cleverer than this first guy, wished to be 75% smarter than he already was, and POOF he was. The last guy, thinking he was cleverer than the other two, wished to be 100% smarter than he already was and POOF, he turned into a woman.
Posted in General / Unsorted |