How do you know when a mans going to say something intelligent? He starts his sentence with A woman told me…
29
Jan
29
Jan
Three guys of three different races walk into a bar. They say, OUCH!
28
Jan
These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service!
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING conference: The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.
Miss Charlene Mason sang I will not pass this way again giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Ladies, dont forget the rummage sale. Its a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Dont forget your husbands.
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelsons sermons.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing Break Forth into Joy.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be What is Hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
For those of you who have children and dont know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm-prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
28
Jan
Pick good people; talent never wears out.
28
Jan
10 reasons why a dog doesnt use a computer:
10. T0o0p hqa5rxd 6tt0[o 6ty[p3e 2w9igtjh;pa3wds (Its hard to type with paws)
9. Sit and stay were hard enough; delete and save are out of the question.
8. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
7. Carpal Paw Syndrome.
6. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway hes browsing www.purina.com or the 50 ways to skin a cat sites.
5. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrates.
4. Cant help attacking the screen when he hears, youve got mail.
3. Too messy to mark every Web site he visits.
2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
1. Cant stick his head out of Windows XP.
28
Jan
A frog walks into a bank and says I wanna loan.
Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Blacks desk, she is the loan manager, Im sure she will be happy to talk to you, The head desk says.
The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Blacks desk and says, I wanna loan.
Mrs. Black says, Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here… At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her.
She asks, confused, What is this?
The frog croaks back, I wanna loan. She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, I dont get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is?
The boss laughs and says, Its a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!
28
Jan
Im sorry, said the dentist to the caller. cant take you this afternoon, all booked up. I have eighteen cavities to fill.
And he picked up his golf bag and went out.
*** An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex, incomprehesable truth. ***
27
Jan
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote:I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, Ive been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, Ive never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. Ive never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And Ive never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, youre welcome to stay here, too.
27
Jan
Why couldnt the blonde pass her drivers test?
She wasnt used to being in the front seat.
27
Jan
Una pareja de cubanitos va a casarse en una semana.
El cubanito dice: Oye chica, ya eh tiempo de que me permitah un brinquito, chica, estoy que me muero.
A lo que la chica contesta: Ya, chico. No insistah que sólo faltan 7 dias.
Dos dÃas después el cubanito insiste: Mira, mi ñiña. Sólo faltan cinco diitah, por favor, echemoh un brinquito, chica.
No, chico, no. Solo faltan 5 dÃah.
Por favor, chica, por lo menoh una tocadita, anda deja tocarte.
No chico, no. Son solo 5 dÃah.
Dos dÃas antes de la boda, ni modo que el cubanito se resigne: ¡Anda chica, ya estamoh prácticamente casadoh mi alma! Anda, una tocadita, aunque sea.
A lo que la chica responde: Ay mi negro, deverah que quiero, pero no chico, aguanta…
El cubano interrumpiendo le dice: Mira chica, aunque sea sólo verte, deja verte… anda… o una olidita, nomah, ¡eso! una olidita nomah…
A lo que ella dice: Ok, chico, ok. Pero sólo una olidita, ¿eh? y ya nomah.
El negrito se acerca, cerrando los ojos huele un par de veces y con cara extrañada, exclama:
¡Oye chica! ¿y tu creeh que esto dure para pasado mañana?