Old and New Jokes

Santa and Banta are two friends and Santa singh has very good job. Banta singh is jobless and one day asks Santa for some good job.
Santa singh says, OK next time we will apply together and they do. On interview day, Santa singh says, first I will go inside and answer all questions except last one, and after coming out, I would give you all answers and questions. So you go and then answer there. You will get the Job. So, Santa goes in.

EMPLOYER: When we got independence?
SANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER: Good. Who is our PM?
SANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

EMPLOYER: OK. Whats Indias population?
SANTA: (He was not to reply last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you sir.

Now he comes out and tell questions and answers to Banta Singh.

Banta singh was real SARDAR and he remembers all answers and forgot questions. He goes in Now.

EMPLOYER: When were you born?
BANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER: What?? Who is your father?
BANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.

EMPLOYER: Employer is upset now. Are you mad Mr. Banta?
BANTA: Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you sir.

Superconductor – Amtraks Employee of the year.

A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.

Are you my doctor? he asked.

Yes, I am.

The baby said Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth.

He looked at his mother and asked, Are you my mother?

Yes, I am, she said.

Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born he said. He then looked at his father and asked Are you my father?

Yes, I am, his father answered.

The baby motioned him close, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger 5 times, saying I want you to know that THAT HURTS!

La súper dotada Alma María Rico pregunta a su amiga del alma, Zoyla Profunda:

Oye, ¿cuántos galanes has tenido?

Mmm… cuatro: Joaquín, Martín, Valentín y Agustín.

¡Ups, qué coincidencia, todos terminan igual!

Sí… ¡en la cama conmigo!

yo mama is so stupid she invented a solar powered flashlight

Your mommas so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch!

Why are so many blondes rushing out to get breast implants? So they dont have to pay the flat tax.

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for two days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she
speaks. What happens when you predict snow but dont get any…?

There was this female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didnt, turned to the weatherman and asked, So Bob, wheres that 8
inches you promised me last night?

Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too because they
were laughing so hard!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Candy!
Candy who?
Candy cow jump over the moon!