Old and New Jokes

What do you call 32 mexican women?

A full set of teeth.

So he did.

Parece que Dios ya estaba acabando de crear el universo, pero todavía

le quedaban un par de cosas por repartir, así que decidió hablar con Adán y

Eva.

Les dijo que una de las cosas que aún le quedaban era algo que permitiría, a

quien lo tuviera, hacer pipí estando de pie.

Realmente es algo muy útil, les dijo Dios, y estaba pensando si les

interesaría a alguno de ustedes.

Adán empezó a dar saltos y le rogó, ¡Yo quiero eso! ¡Dámelo a mí, porque yo

sé cómo usarlo! Me parece que es justo la clase de cosa que un hombre debe

poder hacer. ¡Por favor! ¡Por favor! ¡Por favoooooor!¡Yo quiero eso!.

Y seguía pidiendo, mientras tiraba una de las mangas de la túnica de Dios.

Eva sonrió al ver esa escena y le dijo a Dios que si Adán deseaba tanto

eso, debería dárselo a él. Así que Dios le dio a Adán la cosa que le

permitiría hacer pipí de pie, y que lo tenía tan emocionado.

Apenas lo recibió, Adán fue corriendo a probarlo sobre un árbol, y después

escribió su nombre en la arena, mientras reía a carcajadas, encantado de lo

que podía hacer con su regalo.

Dios y Eva lo estuvieron mirando un rato, y entonces Dios le dijo a Eva,

Bien, aquí tienes la otra cosa que tengo para repartir, y que creo que te

pertenece.

¿Y cómo se llama?, preguntó Eva.

Cerebro, dijo Dios.

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

A guy and his wife walked into a bar one day, the wife takes a seat and the guy goes up to the bar.

The barman goes over to the guy and asks him what he wants, the guy replies, Ill have a bottle of bud and an orange juice for the jackass.

The barman looks at the guy puzzled but says nothing and gives the guy his drink. this happens twice more.

A couple of hours pass and the guy goes to the mens room and his wife goes up to the bar. This time she orders the drinks.

The barman gets the drinks and says, its probably none of my business, but I think you should know that your husband has been referring to you as the jackass. I just had to tell you because I dont think its very fair for him to call you that.

The woman turns to him and smiles and says…

Oh, dont worry, its ok – heaw, heaw, he always calls me that!

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.

The Pope says, What can I do?

The Colonel says, I need you to change the daily prayer from, Give us this day our daily bread to Give us this day our daily chicken. If you do it, Ill donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican.

The Pope replies, I am sorry. That is the Lords prayer and I can not change the words.

So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again.

Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. Ill give you $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from Give us this day our daily bread to Give us this day our daily chicken.

And the Pope responds, It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lords prayer, and I cant change the words.

So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales the Colonel gets desperate. This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, Give us this day our daily bread to Give us this day our daily chicken I will donate $100 million to the Vatican.

The Pope replies, Let me get back to you.

So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican.

The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news.

The Pope replies, The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account.

My sister-in-law, a just-graduating medical student, tells me that one
night during work at the hospital she was interviewing a black female
patient . . . she came to the question:

Maam, are you sexually active?

To which the woman replied:

Well . . . sometimes I is . . . and sometimes I just lays there.

-joseph hall

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

Sex is only dirty when its done right.

Yo mama went to Weight Watchers and the only thing she lost was $19.95…