Un niño en clases pregunta:
¿Cómo se llama el papá de los caballos?
Y responde la maestra:
Se llama potro o semental, y la mamá caballo se llama yegua.
Y los hijos, pregunta el niño.
Los hijos se llaman potrillos o potrancas.
Y dice el niño:
Entonces ¿no hay ningún caballo que se llame caballo?
Yogi Berra Quotes
Always go to other peoples funerals, otherwise they wont come to yours.
Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.
If the people dont want to come out to the park, nobodys gonna stop them.
No wonder nobody comes here; its too crowded.
We made too many wrong mistakes.
You can observe a lot by just watching.
I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4. – Yogi Berra
A man buys a parrot, but after several weeks of trying, is unable to get
it to speak a single word. In desperation he takes the bird to a vet
for advice.
The vet tells him that the parrot has too long of a beak to speak, but that
he could file it down for $100. The parrots owner thought that this was
rather expensive. The vet tells him that it is a very delicate procedure.
If he does not file enough, the bird still wont be able to talk,
but if he files too much, the bird will drown while drinking his water.
The man decides to think it over and leaves with the parrot. Several weeks
later, the vet happens to meet the parrot owner who is looking rather down.
He inquires about the parrot. The man replies that his parrot is dead.
Did you try to file his beak? asked the vet. The man nods his head.
And he drowned while trying to drink his water, right?
No, replied the parrots owner, he was dead when I took his head out of
the vise.
An old hearing impaired gentleman visited his doctor and he had been warned to be careful as he had a heart murmur.
The doctor was therefore most surprised to see the old fellow out on the town, whooping it up. He got his attention and took him aside. Dont you remember what I told you the other day? he inquired.
Oh, I surely do. the old gent replied, Best dang advice I ever had. I did just as you said. I got me a hot mamma and Im cheerful
Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease…
Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
She refuses to let you milk her, saying Not on the first date.
Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.
Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.
Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cows body.
Your cow demands to be branded with the Golden Archs Logo.
Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.
Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.
She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
Your cow joins the Hells Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.
Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.
Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting MOO backwards.
Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.
Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if youll wear something sexy this time.
Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells Bullseye!
Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called LaCream Abdul Milkbar.
Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.
Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out its nose.
You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.
Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.
Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme if it had a really good run at it.
He buys clothes off the store mannequin just to see a woman naked.
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, “My friend is dead! What can I do?†The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.†There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says, “OK, now what?â€
Una pareja de novios está en casa de la novia acariciándose y besándose, y de pronto el chico, emocionado, se saca su cosa.
Repentinamente llega el padre de la chica y a nuestro amigo no le da tiempo de guardarse su cosa y decide tirarse en el piso como si estuviera buscando algo. El suegro, intrigado por la extraña posición del chico le pregunta:
¿Qué coño estás haciendo?
¡Es que vi a un ratón que acaba de cruzar por aquÃ!
¿Pero tú estás buscándolo para matarlo o para cogértelo?
A frog walks into a bank and says I wanna loan.
Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Blacks desk, she is the loan manager, Im sure she will be happy to talk to you, The head desk says.
The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Blacks desk and says, I wanna loan.
Mrs. Black says, Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here… At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her.
She asks, confused, What is this?
The frog croaks back, I wanna loan. She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, I dont get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is?
The boss laughs and says, Its a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!
how do you fit 100 jews in a car? 5 in then seats and 95 in the ash tray!