Old and New Jokes

This one is about Santa Singhji… our English lecturer

Santa Singh ji is the English teacher in a school. He is very well renowned, since all his students do very well in exams.
The school is having an inspection and the inspector decided to visit the English class. This is what transpires :

Santa Singh : Bolo bachon GADHA

Students (in chorous) : GADHA

Santa Singh : Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA

Students (in chorous) : GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA

Santa Singh : Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN

Students (in chorous) : GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MEIN

Santa Singh : Bolo bachon GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH

Students (in chorous) : GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH

By this time the inspector is furious. He confronts the principal and shouts at him What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an English class and what he is saying is GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH.
The principle too is shocked, Santa Singh the famous English teacher doing this. He immediately sends for for Santa Singh.

Principal : Santa singh ji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH.

Santa Singh : Yes I was telling all this in class, but I was only teaching the students the spellings of ASSASSINATION.

After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didnt want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Arky said to the doctor I may not be the smartest man, but I dont see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me.

So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both doctors couldnt be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

It
is the year 2032, and a father and his son walk the
streets of lower Manhattan. Approaching the site where
the WTC used to be in the end of the 20th century, the
father sighs and comments, "to think that right
here used to be the Twin Towers…"
The son, not understanding, asks his father "What
are the Twin Towers?" The father smiles and looks
at the son, and explains, "The Twin Towers were
two huge buildings that used to be here until 2001,
when the Arabs destroyed them."
The son looks up to his father, and asks, "And
what are the Arabs?"

Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says, You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.

Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy. George Bush Senior says, Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.

The pilot rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.

Two kindergarden girls were talking outside: one said, You wont believe what
I saw on the patio yesterday–a condom!

The second girl asked, Whats a patio?

Weve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below.

GUTS is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?

BALLS is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, Youre next.

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

Customer: “Waiter! I asked for Alu Paratha but I find no potatoes in it!”

Waiter: “What’s in a name Sir! If you ask for Kashmir Pulav, will you expect to find Kashmir in it?”

Several years before the Gulf War, a female journalist did a story on
gender roles in Kuwait. She noted that there it was customary for
women to walk 10 feet behind their husbands.

After the war, she returned to Kuwait and was pleased to observe that
now the men walked 10 feet behind their wives.

She interviewed a Kuwaiti woman, and one of the questions she asked
was, What enabled Kuwaiti women to achieve this role reversal?

The Kuwaiti woman replied, Land mines.

Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.

8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctors, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the number ONE reason that God created Eve…

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said, I can do better than THAT!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

98. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.