Old and New Jokes

Q: How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, if he wants to sit in the dark, its his business.

Meloso, el novio le susurra a la novia:

Mi amor, cuando nos casemos te compraré un castillo para tenerte como a una reina.

Arrobada, ella le contesta:

¡Mejor cómprame un manicomio para que me tires como a una loca!

There was a building and the first floor had a pickle store. the second was nothing. the third floor was selling saws.one day a person went out on the porch of the second floor. the third floors manager droped a saw down. the saw cut the persons ass then ass fell into a pickle jar. after a while an old lady bought the pickle jar with the ass inside it.when she went home she ate one. then she ate another one and another and another until the ass. when she ate it she said this one is extra good. she went back to the pickle store she said she will take 20 more jars……especially the ones with the white things inside it…

Q: How many NC State students does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three – one to change the bulb, and two to discuss how they did it as well as anyone in Chapel Hill.

You might be a redneck if…
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

Three old men stood at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper asked the first man How many times have you cheated on your wife.
The first man said I was married for 50 years and I never cheated on my wife.
The gatekeeper gave the man a Rolls Royce to drive across the bridge into heaven. Then he asked the second man How many times have you cheated on your wife?
The second man said I was married for 50 years and I cheated on my wife one time. So the gatekeeper gave him a Honda and he started off across the bridge into heaven. Then he asked the last man How many times have you cheated on your wife
The last man said I was married for 50 years and I cheated on my wife 5 times.
The gatekeeper gave the man a Pinto and the man started across the bridge.
A while down the road the man in the Pinto and the man in the Honda saw the Rolls Royce pulled off to the side of the road with the driver standing beside it crying. When they pulled over to ask him what was wrong he said:
I just saw my wife and she was riding a skateboard!

Me: Hey, Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?

Donna: I dunno. How?

Me: Tell her the same dumb blonde joke twice in a row.

Me: Hey Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.



The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.



The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.



Hysterically the blonde screams back at the husband, Shut up! Youre next!

A cantor brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice: Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000.

There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, So what did you do with the money?

Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Never mind, youll pass eventually. Liz: But Im the examiner!