I finally found a woman like my mom. This woman:
Acts like her! Looks like her! Smells like her!
So i took her home my father doesnt like her!?!!
22
Oct
22
Oct
To get us all in the Christmas spirit … Can you name these Christmas Songs? Answers found below.
——– Questions ———
Approach Everyone Who Is Steadfast
Ecstacy Toward The Orb
Hush, The Foretelling Spirits Harmonize
Hey, Miniscule Urban Area Southwest Of Jerusalem
Quiescent Nocturnal Period
The Autocratic Troika Originating Near the Accent of Apollo
The Primary Carol
Embellish The Corridors
I Apprehended My Maternal Parent Osculating with a Corpulent, Unshaven Male in Crimson Disguise
Im Fantasizing Concerning a Blanched Yuletide
My Singular Desire For The Impending Yuletide Season Is Receipt Of A Pair Of Central Incisors.
During the Time Ovine Caretakers Supervised Their Charges Past Twilight
Celestial Messengers From Splendid Empires.
The Thing Manifest Itself at the Onset of a Transparent Day
The Tatterdemalion Ebony Atmosphere
The Coniferous Nativity
What Offspring Abides Thus?
Removed in a Bovine Feeding Trough
Creator Cool It Ya Kooky Cats
Seraphim We Aurally Detect in the Stratosphere
Valentino, The Roseate Proboscissed Wapati
Father Christmas Approaches the Metropolis
Ag Glockenspiels
The Slight Percussionist Lad
The Antelered Quadruped With The Cerise Proboscis.
The Event Occurred At One Minute After 11:59 PM-Visibility Unlimited.
Ornament The Enclosure With Large Sprigs Of A Berry-bearing Evergreen.
Anticipation Of This Noels Mementos: Nil.
The Approach Of The Holiday Commemorating The Birth Of Christ Is Becoming Evident.
During the Dark Hours When Herdsman Attended Their Charges.
A Trio of Non-Occidental Potentates Is Our Identity.
A Meteorological Melody Is Manifest.
The Yuletides Diurnal Dozen.
Please Permit Pristine Precipitation.
Rimey, The Mannikin of Crystalline H2O.
Our Desire Is Your Yuletide Cheer.
Aged Matriarch Plowed Under By Preciptious Darlings.
Are You Experiencing Parallel Auditory Input?
Endeavor to personally experience singular, miniscule Yule!
…
scroll down for answers
…………
——– Answers ———
O Come All Ye Faithful
Joy To The World
Hark, The Herald Angels Sing
O Little Town of Bethlehem
Silent Night
We Three Kings
The First Noel
Deck The Halls
I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Clause
Im Dreaming of a White Christmas
All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth
While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night
Angels from the Realms of Glory
It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
O Holy Night
O Christmas Tree
What Child is This?
Away in a Manger
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
Angels We Have Heard On High
Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer
Santa Claus is Coming To Town
Silver Bells
The Little Drummer Boy
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
It came upon a Midnight Clear
Deck the Halls with Boughs of Holly
Im getting nothing for Christmas
Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas
While Shepherds watched their Flocks by Night
We Three Kings
Theres a Song in the Air
The Twelve Days of Christmas
Let it Snow
Frosty, the Snowman
We Wish you a Merry Christmas
Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer
Do You Hear What I Hear?
Have Yourselves a Merry Little Christmas
21
Oct
In the olden days of the Legion Etrangere (French Foreign Legion), Lieutenant Lefevre was extremely happy to be posted near Bir Ounane, right in the middle it seems, of the desert.
Boy howdy, did he enjoy the challenge of the elements, the demands for personal survival skills, the camaraderie of the other officers, etc! In fact, for four months, he enjoyed EVERYTHING!
Around the beginning of his fifth month there, a steady ache in his groin reminded him that the hadnt had any female companionship and that it was time to put his johnson back to work. He confided one day in Sergeant LeBrun: Sergeant, Ive got a personal problem. I need a woman. What do the men do when they have this urge?
Sir, responded Sergeant LeBrun, theres no problem. They usually take the camel…
Non, non, non. Jamais! Never! Never! screamed the lieutenant. I will not descend to such low conduct.
Well, about two months later, he really is feeling horny, and he asks the sergeant to point out the camel. Stepping up behind the camel, he drops his pants, plants his dick in the camel and humps away. The camel roars and roars, the more the lieutenant pumps. Finishing, he asks, Well, sergeant, I guess youve never seen anybody screw a camel better than that!
Thats true, mon lieutenant, they usually take the camel into town to the whorehouse.
20
Oct
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Utica!
Utica who?
Utica the high road and Ill take the low road!
20
Oct
Yo mama has a short leg and walks in circles.
20
Oct
21. Thou shalt not upload worm programs.
20
Oct
The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, What flag is this?
A little girl called out, Thats the flag of our country.
Very good, the teacher said. And what is the name of our country?
Tis of thee, the girl said confidently.
20
Oct
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Owl!
Owl who?
Owl Aboard!
20
Oct
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
20
Oct
I was glancing over the front page of the Post Gazette the other day and
saw that Alf Landon (Franklin Roosevelts opponent in the 1936 election) had
died at age 100. It reminded me of this story that FDR supposedly liked to
tell.
There was a man who, everyday, would buy a newspaper on the way to work,
glance at the headline, and hand it back to the newsboy. Day after day the
man would go through this routine. Finally the newsboy could not stand it
and he asked the man, Why do you always buy a paper and only look at the
front page before discarding it?
The man replied, I am only interested in the obituaries.
But they are on page 21. You never even unfold the newspaper.
Young man, he said, the son of a bitch Im looking for will be on the
front page.