A couple of old guys were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning.
His friend remarked that he had gone to the same dentist a few years before. Is that so? the first said. Did he do a good job?
Well, I was on the course yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot, he said. The ball most have been going 200 mph when it hit me in the stomach. That, he added, was the first time in two years my teeth didnt hurt.
Q: What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germanys best comedian?
A: Only the first one can make you smile.
Q: How many people fron Dresden can you fit in a mini ?
A: About 25000 if youve got a shovel
Q: What is the definition of the European Heaven?
A: British humour, French food, German technology.
A: What is the definition of the European Hell?
A: British food, German humour, French technology.
Q: Why are so many Germans born by C-section?
A: Ever try to get a Squarehead through a round hole?
(Heard this from a friend, source unknown)
A young boy was playing in the backyard when his father saw him stepping on
flowers and pulling out plants.
Just for that, he said, you dont get anything made out of flour for
a week!
The boy was upset and walked away. A short while later, the father looked
through the window and saw the boy hitting butterflies with his tennis
racquet in the garden. He went running outside and yelled, Just for that,
you naughty boy, you dont get any butter for one month!
Later that day, the boys mother came home in a really bad mood and as
soon as she saw a couple of cockroaches in the kitchen, she started stepping
on them. The young lad looked up at his father and whispered, Well, are
you going to tell her or will I?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If youre born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies
El Director General de una empresa, después de mucho meditar, llama al Subdirector y le pregunta:
Oye, ¿tú crees qué el hecho de que yo me practique el amor con mi mujer es una cuestión de placer o de trabajo?
¡No lo sé, señor Director General, me pilla por sorpresa la verdad es que no sé que responder!
Bueno, pues tienes una hora para contestarme.
El Subdirector, todo acongojado, se dirige al Director de Sección y le pregunta:
Oye, el hecho de que nuestro Director General practique el amor con su mujer, ¿tú que crees que sea: una cuestión de placer o de trabajo?
Pues, no tengo ni idea, macho.
Bueno, pues tienes 50 minutos para contestarme.
El Director de Sección va con el Subdirector de Sección y al plantearle la misma pregunta aquel no sabe que responderle; éste a su vez pregunta a su inferior y asà sucesivamente hasta que llega al encargado que tampoco sabe que responder, asà que se dirige al becario, que está en una mesa llena de papeles por todos lados, y le pregunta:
¡Oye, becario, tienes 5 minutos para responderme! ¿Para ti, el hecho de que nuestro Director General haga el amor con su mujer es cuestión de placer o de trabajo?
De placer, por supuesto.
El otro se queda atónito ante la rapidez de respuesta y le cuestiona:
¿Y cómo lo has sabido asÃ, tan rápido y con tanta seguridad?
¡Toma ya, pues porque si fuera cuestión de trabajo me estarÃa acostando yo con ella!
Yo mama is so fat…
she walked in front of the tv and i missed a two hour movie
every time she turns around its her birthday
the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs
i swerved around her and ran out of fuel
people run around her for marathon practise
i roll over 3 times and im still on the bitch
the last time she saw 90210 was on the scales
when she got on the scales it said one at a time please
when she tried again it said no live stock please
she gets a group discount at weight watchers
when she tried sunbaking, greenies started jumping around her yelling save the whale, save the whale
shes got more rolls than a bakery
her belt size is equator
she has her own gravity pull
when a bulldozer ran in to her she said who threw that pebble?
YO MAMAS so stupid…
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
it takes her 3 mins to cook 2 min noodles
YO MAMAS so poor…
when she was kickin a can down the street and i asked what ya doin? she said movin house
she hangs the toilet paper out to dry
when i was at her place i asked wheres the toilet? she said pick a corner
when i was at her place i asked whats for dinner? she stuck her foot on the table and said corn and jam
YO MAMAS so old…
when she reads the bible she reminices.
One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license.You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license and the next day you ask me to show it.
This one sounds better spoken because of the ryhmes. Try it out loud…
Santa, making his rounds, is in a house, when he is approached by a attractive young lass…
Santa will you stay and play with me?
Ho Ho Ho, I gotta go, got to get these toys to the kids you know. and he disappears up the chimmney.
In the next house, he is approached by a another attractive young woman, this one has her robe quite open, with a wonderful veiw of her chest.
Santa will you stay and play with me?
Ho Ho Ho, I gotta go, got to get these toys to the kids you know. and he disappears up the chimmney.
In the next house, he is greeted by yet another attraqctive woman, whom is laying fully undressed on a rug in front of the fireplace.
Santa will you stay and play with me?
Hey, Hey, Hey, might as well stay, cant get up the chimmney with my dick this way!
A 70 year old woman went to the doctor for a check up.
The doctor told her she needed more activity & recommended sex three times a week.
She said to the doctor , Please, tell to my husband.
The doctor goes out in the waiting room & tells the husband that his wife needs to have sex three times a week.
The 70 year old husband replies, Which days ?
The doctor says, How about Monday ,Wednesday and Friday.
The husband says, I can bring her Monday & Wednesday, but on friday shell have to take the bus.