Old and New Jokes

La mamá de Jaimito se estaba por bañar, entonces Jaimito le pregunta:

Ma me puedo bañar con vos.

Sí, hijo,

Cuando se estaban bañando Jaimito le vio los senos y le pregunta: ¿Qué son esos?

Son dos limones.

Después de bañarse con su madre le preguntó a su papá si se podía bañar con él y le respondió que sí. Entonces le ve el pene y le pregunta: ¿Qué es eso?

Una vergüenza, hijo.

Después lo manda a comprar limones y la señora de la tienda le dice que no tiene. Entonces jaimito contesta: Y esos que tiene ahí señalándole los senos.

La señora, enojada le pregunta:

¿Quien te mandó a comprar?

Mi papá.

¡Tu papá no tiene vergüenza!

Y Jaimito le responde:

¡Sí, y así de grande!

Tony and Harold, two avid fisherman and well-known drunks, were out in a boat on their favorite lake one day drowning some worms and polishing off some brews.


Suddenly, Tony got what he thought was a nibble.


Reeling it in he found a bottle with a cork in it.


Naturally curious, he uncorked the bottle and a large genie appeared.


The genie said I will grant you one wish. Tony thought for a second and said I wish this whole lake was beer.


Poof! His wish came true. The lake was now filled with their favorite brew. Harold looked at Tony in disgust and said You asshole, now we have to piss in the boat.

If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

George W. approached the man and inquired, Arent you Moses?

The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the mans view and asked again, Arent you Moses?

The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the mans sleeve and asked once again, Arent you Moses?

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, Yes I am.

George W. asked him why he was so uppity.

Moses replied, The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!

2 snakes walk into a bar, 1 snake says to the other why do humans measure us in inches? the other snake replies, cause we dont have any feet!!

A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland.

When the man tells her it will be $300 She exclaims..I dont have any money.. but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland !!!!



To that the man asks Anything65 And the blonde says yes.. Anything!!



With that, the man says Follow me..He walks into the next room and tells her Come in and close the door..She does!!



He then says Get on your knees..She does!!.. He then says take down my zipper..She does!!… He then says Go ahead… Take it out. With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands!! The man then says Well.. Go ahead!!…She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips..She says HELLO, MOM6565

Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.

Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.

Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.

They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?

He thinks for a minute and says, Well its used to being in its mothers pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in there it will calm down.

She exclaims, Im not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!

The husband replies, Well, why dont you just hold its little nose!