Hi yall…muh name ids Bubba and dis is muh fameily:
Furst is me… Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains. I love being a babe hound. Girls make spit roll down my chin. I have a stomach problem and fart alot.
My Mom has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.
My brother Hank is in jail right now. When he gets out he is not allowed to be around animals and kitchen appliances.
My grandmom lives with us in our trailer. Shes smells real bad. She likes to hang out in bars and drink beer. Grandma has sores all over and they leak yellow stuff on the furniture. The flies are terrible.
My mom says she is almost positive this is who my Dad is. He lives in a Federal Penitentiary in Montana. When he gets out in 55 years we are gonna go fishing. The blood stains inside my Dads truck are almost all gone!
My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was licking a egg beater after mom made a cake and my cousin Jimmy turned it on by accident.
We are proud of my older brother Barney. He is only 27 and all ready in the 4th grade. He wants to be a Doctor and can write his own name!
Then theres my half brother Jim Bob and his wife. She is a hottie. They raise Possum in their back yard. They are not allowed to have children.
My older sister Sue Ellen has 15 kids and they all look different. We depend on her welfare check to get by. She has a disease that makes her itch.
Jethro is my 1st cousin. He runs a tomato stand down by the highway. He once went 53 days without taking a bath.
Buck is my second cousin. He is pretty smart. Buck is going to be a dentist some day. He does all the work on our teeth.
My sisters boyfriend for now is Larry. He fixes lawn mowers in the city. My sister says he has a hairy butt.
Michael used to be my best friend but got killed by a bus on the interstate. I still wear his underwear.
Jake is my new friend. He holds the park record. He once jumped over 7 trailers. Jake crashed alot and talks real slow now. His doctor told him to wear a helmit.
My uncle Marky is still having problems. He doesnt know what he wants in life anymore. He is a Veitnam War hero and now sells perfume at a department store.
My step brother Phil had a hunting accident years ago. The bullet is lodged just over his right ear. Its hard to understand him sometimes and he always stinks like rotten cheese.
Thats the END OF MUH FAMEILY!
This was sent to me by a friend.
********The 12 Days, Deconstructed*******************
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my
potential-acquaintance-rape-survivor gave to me,
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in
good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union
contract even though they will not be asked to play a note…)
TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling
class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from
enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
(NOTE: after member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red
paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been
reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-American
enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
THREE deconstructionist poets,
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses
and a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Best Guess attribution is Bart Taub at Urbana-Champaign, with minor
changes.
Q: How many ice skaters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw in the bulb, one to hire a hitman on club the other skater on the knee.
A blonde walks into a circuit store. She goes to the back and asks the clerk Can I have this T.V.? He said No. Why not? asked the blonde. Because your a dumb blonde.
She comes back the next day with a new hair color. She again asked the same clerk if she could have that same T.V.. He again said no. When she asked why he responded Because thats not a T.V., that is a microwave.
Dice la maestra en la escuela:
Pepito, hoy te va a tocar conjugar el verbo nadar.
Y empieza Pepito gritando con singular entusiasmo:
Yo nado, tú nadas, él nada, nosotros nadamos…
Pepito, más bajo, por favor, lo interrumpe la maestra.
¿Asà está bien, maestra: yo buceo, tú buceas, él bucea?
Q: How do you know when a drum solos really bad?
A: The bass player notices.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can easily do the day after.
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.
"Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.
"Help us, help us!" yells the other.
"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.
"Good idea," said the other.
"Together, together!"
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.