These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
157. As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.
SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
Ya mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.
In the far reaches of the Canadian wilderness, a new arrival at the lumberjack camp was settling down for the night in the mens dormitory with the rest of the guys after his first day on the job. The lights were turned off and suddenly he hears one guy call out Twenty three! … there is a roar of laughter from all the beds around the room, and another guy calls out Forty seven … more laughter follows. This goes on for a few more minutes until finally everyone settles down and goes to sleep.
The next morning, the newbie asks one of the other lumberjacks what all the laughter and numbers was about. He is told that they have all been there for so long at this camp, that they know all the jokes, and that each one is merely given a number … so when it comes to joke telling after lights-out, it is just a simple case of saying the number of the joke that is being told.
So, that evening, after lights-out, the same thing happens.. Eighteen! … and there is general laughter … Thirty five … more of the same. Not wanting to be left out, the newbie decides to join in the joke telling and calls out One hundred and six! Not only is there laughter, but the lights are flashing on and off, guys are rolling on the floor laughing, cheering, and clapping … a regular standing ovation!
The next morning the newbie talks to one of the guys and says Well, Im glad you guys enjoyed the joke session so much last night, but I have to admit Im puzzled as to why there was so much laughter when I told the one numbered One Hundred and Six… how come?
His buddy replies Oh, so that was you! … Yeah, we loved it … You see, we havent heard that one before!
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two–one to screw it in and one to screw it up.
A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, why is your stomach so big?
She replied, Im having a baby.
With big eyes,he asked, Is the baby in your stomach?
She said, He sure is.
Then the little boy with a puzzled look asked, Is it a good baby?
She said, oh yes, its a real good baby.
With even a more surprised and shocked look he said, Then why in the world did you eat him?
This is an actual ad that appears in the June 97 issue of Dog Fancy:
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owners believe that there are many amazing indications that some dogs may
be able to read or recognize words. Send now for your Dog Reading Fun Kit
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A young nervous looking chap sheepishly approaches the Librarian and asks if she has any books on committing suicide?
Yes, she replies, aisle 3, third shelf down.
About five minutes later the guy comes back and says, Im sorry, but I cant find anything!
Hmm, well, the buggers never bring them back you know!
(Sent by the mate of mine in the UK)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife Mother of Six in spite of her objections.One night they go to a party. The man decides that its time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, Shall we go home Mother
of Six?His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back… Anytime youre ready, Father of Four!
Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging. Samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by dousing with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.