Once there was a little boy named Jimmy. One day jimmy asked his Dad if he could take a shower with him. His Dad said OK but dont look down. So they got in and Jimmy looked down and said Daddy whats that? His Dad said that is my limo. That same day Jimmy asked his mother if he could take a shower with her. She said OK but only if you dont look up and you dont look down. So they got in and Jimmy looked up and asked What are those? and his mom said those are my head lights. Then Jimmy looked down and he asked his mom What is that? She said that is my garage. Jimmy said Oh! Later that evening Jimmy decided that he wanted to sleep with his parents in their bed. They said OK but dont look under the covers. The next morning at the breakfast table Jimmy exclamed
Mommy! Last night I squeesed your head lights to make them turn on but it didnt work! Jimmy! his mother yelled. Why did you do that? Well, Jimmy began, Daddy was trying to park his limo in your garage but my little sports car beat him in!
Our program,
Who art in memory,
Hello be thy name.
Thy spreadsheets be formatted,
thy code be downloaded,
from disk
as it will be in memory.
Give us on screen
our data spreads,
and forgive us our typos,
as we forgive those who ask that we document.
Lead us not into frustration,
but deliver us from glitches.
For thine is the algorithm,
the application,
and the solution,
looping forever and ever.
Return.
Dont permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.
Two baseball players promised each other. If one of them died frist he will come back as a ghost to tell if there was baseball in heaven. So one of them dies and comes back as a ghost and says, I have some good news and some bad news. Then the other persom says,tell me. so he says,The good news is there is baseball in heaven but the bad news is that your pitching tomorrow.
New Summer Seminars for Women
The Auto Hood Release, What Is It And Why Is It There
Life Beyond Shoes
Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, I want you to help me obtain a divorce. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.
What do you mean?
asked the attorney.
Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?
No, he doesnt, replied the woman, and neither does the little queer.
78.2% of all statistics are meaningless.
Many, many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be,
This widow had a daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my fathers wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widows grown-up daughter
Who, of course was my stepmother.
Fathers wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughters son.
My wife is now my mothers mom.
And it surely makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!!!
A teacher notices that Little Johnny, at the back of the class, is squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She goes back to find out whats up. Hes quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently been circumcised and hes quite itchy.
The teacher has him go down to the principals office to phone his mom, and ask her what he should do about it.
He does this, returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, theres a general commotion at the back of the room. Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
I thought I told you to call your mom, she says.
I did, he says, and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon shed come and pick me up from school.
there is 3 guys one was a american jewish the others was israeli and the other was rabbi so they are heaven and they go to a place were they could meet girls so the guy who runs the place tells them i want you to go one at a time and dont touch the goose or trip over the goose so the american jewish gos in and comes back with an ugly girl and the other two ask him what happend and the guy replys i touched the goose
then the rabbi gos in and comes back with an ugly girl and they asked him the same question and he answers i triped over the goose. So the israelin gos in and he comes out with a hot chick and the other two ask him what happend but before he could answer the girl answers i touched the goose