A doctor examining a young woman with abdominal pains asks her if she is sexually active. She says that she is not. An examination shows that she is pregnant.
Asked why she said she was not sexually active, the woman replied, Im not, I just lie there.
Well, do you know who the father is? the doctor asks.
With a puzzled look she replies, No. Who?
¿Cuantos ingenieros de soporte técnico de Microsoft se necesitan para cambiar un foco?
Cuatro. Uno que pregunta: ¿Cuál es el número de registro de su foco?
Otro que pregunta: ¿Ha intentado reseteándolo?.
Otro que pregunta: ¿Ha intentado reinstalándolo?
Y el último que dice: Debe ser su hardware, porque el foco de nuestra oficina funciona muy bien.
How To Impress a Woman:
Compliment her Cuddle her Kiss her Tease her Comfort her Hug her Send her flowers Wine and dine her Listen to her Care for her Hold her Support her
How to Impress a Man:
Show up naked….. with beer.
Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said Master, may I grant you one wish?Hey, dont you know who I am? I dont need no woman givin me nuthin barked Bin Laden.The genie pleaded but Master, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever. Osama thought a moment, then, grumbling about the inconvenience of it all, he said Okay, okay, I wanna wake up with three white women in my bed in the morning, so just do it!Giving the genie an evil glare, he screamed, Now leave me alone! The annoyed genie said So be it! and disappeared back in to the bottle. The next morning, Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his leg was broken and he had no health insurance.
Q: What do a Soviet emigre and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?
A: Neither one is very bright.
Iba caperucita roja caminando por el bosque cuando se le apareció el lobo y le dijo:
Caperucita, te voy a violar.
Caperucita responde:
¡A mi mamá no le va a gustar esto!
Y responde el lobo:
¡A tu mamá ya le gustó!
Dos reos planean fugarse a través de un túnel que da a una coladera en la calle. Pero, sin que los convictos lo adviertan, la policÃa los está esperando con la macana lista.
Al primero en salir le asestan tremendo macanazo en el hocico que éste se devuelve y tapándose la boca se dirige al otro:
Salga usted primero que a mà me ganó la risa.
One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. I cant dear, she said, I have to sleep with Daddy.
A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, The big sissy.
Q: What is the difference between a dog and a viola?
A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night hes doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas.
With his dummy on his knee, hes going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: Ive heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a persons hair have to do with her worth as a human being? Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general…and all in the name of humor!
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, You stay out of this, mister! Im talking to that little jerk on your knee!