Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
15
Nov
14
Nov
An Irish wife was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards, she slipped over and did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband. Paddy! Paddy! she yelled.
Paddy came running in. Paddy Ive suctioned myself to the floor, she said.
Ohhh nooo! Paddy said and tried to pull her up. Youre just too heavy, love. Ill go across the road and get Shamus.
Paddy comes back with Shamus and they both tried to pull her up.
Nope, I cant do it, Shamus said, Lets try plan C.
Plan C? exclaimed Paddy. Whats that?
Ill go home and get my hammer and chisel and we will break the tiles under her.
Oh okay, Paddy said. While youre doing that Ill stay here and play with her tits.
Play with her tits? Shamus said. Why would you do that? This is hardly the time.
Paddy replied, Well, I figure if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles arent so expensive to replace.
14
Nov
Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
Q: What do you do when you come across an elephant?
A: Wipe it off!
Q: Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants?
A: None of the offspring survived.
Q: How does the male elephant find the female elephant when shes lying down in tall grass?
A: VERY attractive.
Q: How do you know when an elephant has been screwing in youre yard?
A: The flower beds are crushed and you are missing a garbage bag!
Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).
Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?
A: He stamped it to death and then said Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?
A: Cosine (Theta) Note: Assumes |elephant| |grape| 1
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber?
A: Zero – a mountain climber is a scaler.
Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.
Q: Whats grey and comes in quarts?
A: An elephant.
Q: What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A: Swim for your life!!
Q: Why do elephants lay on their backs?
A: To trip low flying canaries.
Q: Why did the elephant have a yellow spot on his ass?
A: He wasnt laying on his back.
Q: Why do elephants have Big Ears?
A: Because Noddy wont pay the ransom. (Noddy is childrens storybook character)
Q: Why dont you go into the jungle between 3 and 4 am?
A: Because the elephants are jumping from the trees.
Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: Because the go into the jungle between 3 and 4 am.
Q: Whats that red stuff between elephants toes?
A: Slow pygmies.
14
Nov
You think proletariat is a type of cheese.
14
Nov
Creditors have better memories than debtors.
13
Nov
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Waiter!
Waiter who?
Waiter I get my hands on you!
13
Nov
El siguiente examen consiste en cuatro preguntas de aptitud ejecutiva que le dirán si está calificado para obtener un puesto como ejecutivo. Lea atentamente la pregunta y sin leer la respuesta, diga en voz alta la respuesta que pensó. Después, compárela. Haga esto mismo con cada una de las 4 preguntas. Las respuestas no son difÃciles. Simplemente debe pensar como un(a) verdadero(a) ejecutivo.
Pregunta 1
¿Cómo meterÃa una jirafa en un refrigerador (nevera)?
Respuesta correcta:
Abra el refrigerador; meta la jirafa y cierre la puerta.
Esta pregunta verifica si Ud. está haciendo las cosas simples de una manera complicada.
Pregunta 2
¿Cómo meterÃa un elefante en un refrigerador?
Respuesta incorrecta:
Abra la nevera; meta el elefante y cierre la nevera.
Respuesta correcta:
Abra el refrigerador; saque la jirafa; meta el elefante y cierre la nevera.
Esta pregunta comprueba su capacidad de evaluar dificultades futuras.
Pregunta 3
El rey León ha convocado a una Asamblea General de Animales. Todos fueron, menos uno. ¿Cuál?
Respuesta correcta:
El elefante. ¡Está en el refrigerador!
Esta pregunta evalúa su capacidad de razonamiento comprensivo.
Pregunta 4
En la selva hay un rÃo lleno de cocodrilos, y Ud. no cuenta con embarcación alguna. ¿Cómo lo cruzarÃa?
Respuesta correcta:
Nadando. ¡Todos los cocodrilos están en la reunión del rey León!
Esta pregunta evalúa su agilidad mental.
Calificación para puestos:
4 respuestas correctas = Dirección ejecutiva, presidencia.
3 respuestas correctas = Gerencias medias.
2 respuestas correctas = Asistentes, jefaturas.
1 respuesta correcta = Obrero, oficinista.
Ninguna respuesta correcta = DedÃquese a la pesca con red, porque con anzuelo no sacará nada.
13
Nov
Definition of an elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
13
Nov
Yo mama so fat when God said let there be light, he was really just telling yo mama to get her fat ass out of the way.
13
Nov
Youre so stupid, you thought a quarterback was a refund.