Old and New Jokes

La felicidad de la casa se va y en su lugar contrata la señora de la casa una sirvienta llamada Margarita, de muy buen ver.

En esos días el patrón estaba de viaje y al llegar ve la tremebunda y buenísima margarita.

Pasan los días y el patrón empieza a acosarla, pues que quería con ella, y así todos los días, hasta que un buen día la pesca y le dice que sí, pero Margarita le pregunta varias veces al patrón que si tenía sida. El patrón se la lleva a la cama y después de un buen rato de fornicar terminan, y el patrón le dice:

Oye Margarita, por qué me preguntabas tanto que si tenía sida.

Y Margarita le contesta:

¡Es que no me gustaría que me lo volvieran a pegar!

Log On……Make the barbie hotter



Log Off……Dont add any more wood



Monitor……Keeping an eye on the barbie



Download……Get the firewood off the ute



Floppy Disc……What you get lifting too much firewood at once



Window……What you shut when its cold



Screen……What you shut in the mozzie season



Byte……What mozzies do



Bit……What mozzies did



Mega Byte……What Townsville mozzies do



Chip……A bar snack



Micro Chip……Whats left in the bag after you have eaten the chips



Modem……What you did to the lawns



Dot Matrix……Old Dan Matrixs wife



Laptop……Where the cat sleeps



Software……Plastic knives and forks you get at Big Rooster



Hardware……Real stainless steel knives and forks from K Mart



Mouse……What eats the grain in the shed



Mainframe……What holds the shed up



Web……What spiders make



Web Site……The shed or under the verandah



Cursor……The old bloke that swears a lot



Search Engine……What you do when the ute wont go



Upgrade……A steep hill



Server……The person at the pub that brings out the counter lunch



Mail Server……The bloke at the pub that brings out the counter lunch



User……The neighbour who keeps borrowing things



Network……When you have to repair your fishing net



Internet……Complicated fish net repair method



Netscape……When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net



Online……When you get the laundry hung out



Off Line……When the pegs dont hold the washing up

Youve argued that art has a moral foundation set in Western values.

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road at the same time.As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, “PIG! ”The man immediately leans out his window and shouts back, “BITCH!”They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

Three pregnant women are sitting in a cafe having lunch, when one
of them says, I know that Im going to have a boy.

The other two women think about that for a moment, and then one of
them says, OK, how do you know youre going to have a boy?

Well, when the child was conceived, says the first women, I was
on top. So Im going to have a boy.

They sit and eat for a few minutes more, and then the second woman
says, Well, Im going to have a girl.

OK, says the first one, how do you know youre going to have a
girl?

Well, when my child was conceived, I was on the bottom. So Im going
to have a girl.

They sit and eat for a few minutes more, the third woman obviously
getting more and more distressed, until finally she breaks down into
horrible sobbing?

Whats wrong, whats wrong? the first two women ask with concern.

The third woman manages to stifle her sobs long enough to only say
one thing….

Im going to have a puppy!

Un hombre mayor va al médico porque ya no rinde lo que debiera rendir en la cama.

Mire, doctor, que yo antes en la cama era un tigre y ahora pues ya no.

Hombre, usted tiene que entender que a su edad…

Ya, pero tal vez usted pudiera hacer algo para solucionarlo.

Mire, para que usted lo entienda: un hombre a lo largo de su vida puede tirar 2000 cohetes; cuando los cohetes se acaban no se puede hacer nada.

Al día siguiente vuelve el hombre y protesta:

Mire, doctor, usted me dijo que un hombre podía tirar 2000 cohetes. Yo llevo casado con mi mujer desde el 58 y habré tirado unos 1000 cohetes; entre ligues y juventud otros 500, ¿dónde están los 500 que faltan?

¿Y los que le han explotado en la mano?

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Watusi!
Watusi who?
Watusi is what you get!

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

My name is Billy. Whats yours? asked the first boy.

Tommy, replied the second. My Daddys an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living? asked Billy.

Tommy replied, My Daddys a lawyer.

Honest? asked Billy.

No, just the regular kind, replied Tommy.

A hot love scene at the beach, dramatical music, slowly each piece of cloth is falling and then a surprising funny end, that you will like. The swiss STOP AIDS campaigne wants to remind us, that there is something to think over, when love is in the air.

This and other comercials can be viewed or downloaded in Quick Time or Real Media format at http://www.stopaids.ch/e/movies.html.

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.

The teacher answered quickly, That would be the Titanic. St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didnt *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: How many people died on the ship?

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. 1,228, he answered.

Thats right! You may enter.

St. Peter turned to the lawyer. Name them.