Centuries ago when the Seas were ruled by pirates, there was a certain captain. One day this captain was relaxing when the lookout burst into his quarters. Captain, pirate ship off the port bow!
The captain then called for his first mate and said, First mate, bring me my red shirt! The red shirt was brought to him, they went into battle and won.
The next day the lookout again burst into the room and said, Captain, two pirate ships closing fast! Once again the captain called for the first mate and said, First mate, bring me my red shirt! The first mate brought him his red shirt and once again they won the battle.
During the celebration the first-mate asked, Captain, why do you always ask for your red shirt when we go into battle?
The answer is simple. That way, if Im injured, the crew wont know and they wont lose hope.
Just then the lookout burst through the door, Captain, ten ships closing fast!
First mate, bring me my brown pants!
Posted in Tasteless |
6 razones principales por las cuales Bill Gates quiere ser presidente de los Estados Unidos:
Escuchó decir que alguna agencia gubernamental usaba UNIX.
Piensa que serÃa agradable ser el presidente de dos grandes negocios.
Su ego necesita inflarse un poco.
Perdió las llaves de su mansión, asà que necesita un nuevo lugar para vivir.
Cree que puede usar Microsoft Money para balancear el presupuesto.
Quiere hacer de Windows 95 el sistema operativo oficial en los Estados Unidos.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Its not hard to meet expenses, theyre everywhere.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some dont have film.
Seen it all, done it all, cant remember most of it.
Posted in Car Bumpers |
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Posted in In the news |
Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle
of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food
placed within the cooking compartment.
Posted in Terms and definitions |
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
Posted in One Liners |
You might be a redneck if you consider the fifth grade your senior year!
Posted in Redneck |
For sale by owner: Complete set of Encyclopedia Brittanicas. No longer need them — damn wife knows everything!!
Posted in Ethnic |
Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising. Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them. "No, thank you," Mrs. Watkins replied. "The Lord will provide." The men shrugged and rowed on. By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up. "Dont trouble yourself," she told him. "The Lord will provide." Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, "The Lord will provide." So the boat left, the water rose and the old woman drowned. Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demanded to speak to God. "What happened?" she cried. "For cryin out loud, lady," God said, "I sent three boats."
Posted in General / Unsorted |