I was helping someone set up his computer, and he wanted to log in with a password….now you have to understand hes got somewhat of a rebellious attitude and goes for the shock effect…so when the computer asked him to enter his password, he keys in penis…I nearly fell off the chair from laughing so hard when the computer replied:
*** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH ***
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: Theyre too hard to peel.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come
across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a
bath.
She tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake.
The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too. Snow
White relents and says, When I get into the water and you hear the splash,
you can turn around.
Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into water, at that very
moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into water before she can. The
moment the Dwarfs hear the splash, they turn around and see Snow
White naked.
Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being
advertised?
Scroll down for the answer.
Scroll down for the answer.
Come on now, this should be easy for a person of your mental powers!
Keep scrolling down.
Seven Up
The Washington Posts Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Foreploy:
any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Doltergeist:
a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.
Giraffiti:
vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous Surrender Dorothy on the Beltway overpass.
Sarchasm:
the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesnt get it.
Impotience:
eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.
Reintarnation:
coming back to life as a hillbilly.
DIOS:
the one true operating system.
Inoculatte:
to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis:
terminal coolness.
Taterfamilias:
the head of the Potato Head family.
Osteopornosis:
a degenerate disease.
Karmageddon:
Its like, when everybody is sending off all these like really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and its like a serious bummer.
Hindkerchief:
really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham palace.
Deifenestration:
to throw all talk of God out the window.
Acme:
a generic skin disease (alt: the *best* skin disease).
Dopeler effect:
the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
What a woman says:
This place is a mess! Cmon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
Youll have no clothes to wear if we
dont do laundry right now!
What a man hears:
blah blah blah blah blah CMON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!
The husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. Please dear, I need help. she said.
The husband ran off saying Ill go get some help. A little while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line up his shot on the green.
His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, Im may be dying and youre putting?
Dont worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he come and help.
The second hole??? When in the hell is he coming???
Hey! I told ya not to worry. he said, practice stroking his putt. Everyones already agreed to let him play through.
What do you get when you cross a black guy with a groundhog?
Six more weeks of basketball.
When the old cowboy walked out of the saloonand went to unhitch his horse, he noticed that the animal s testicles were painted green. Storming back into the bar, the fellow hollered, OK, which one of you son of a bitches painted my horse s balls green?
From the back of the room, a huge man, with arms as big tree trunks, slowly rose from his chair. I did, he rumbled. What are you gonna do about it?
Oh nothing, the old cowboy gulped. I just wanted to tell you that the first coat is dry.
Years ago, I was taking an algebra class over the summer,
and had a teacher who liked to reminisce about his past with funny stories.
He relates that he had been a math teacher in the Air Force, where it was
his duty to force sleepy young recruits to stay awake for an hour of math
at 8:00 in the morning in a large, warm, dimly-lit auditorium. One day,
he came into the auditorium and saw his class even sleepier and less attentive
than usual. He realized that something drastic would have to be done.
Now this classroom was very old, and the blackboards, which had been nailed on
to the walls with old black iron nails, had become loose over the years. As
a result, these black nails jutted almost invisibly from the blackboard and
this teacher kept banging his hands on them while erasing the board. He decided
to put them to good use.
With enough of a flourish to guarantee the classs attention, he went to the
front of the room, near one edge of the board. Then, clearing his throat,
he drew a coathook right near one of the protruding nails. He proceeded to
hang his coat and hat on the hook that he had drawn in chalk (really
on the nail, of course). Then he went on to give that days lecture. He told
us that the entire class had their eyes to the front of the room throughout the
lecture. He didnt know if theyd heard a single word hed said, but at least
they looked attentive.
At the end of the class, the lecturer would usually leave by a small door near the
blackboards, while the class would leave through the large doors at the back of
the hall. When class was over, he took his coat and hat, erased the coathook,
and left through the small door–and was followed by the entire class, lining up to
go past the blackboard to see how hed done it.
–John C. George