A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road at the same time.As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, “PIG! â€The man immediately leans out his window and shouts back, “BITCH!â€They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
12
Nov
12
Nov
Three pregnant women are sitting in a cafe having lunch, when one
of them says, I know that Im going to have a boy.
The other two women think about that for a moment, and then one of
them says, OK, how do you know youre going to have a boy?
Well, when the child was conceived, says the first women, I was
on top. So Im going to have a boy.
They sit and eat for a few minutes more, and then the second woman
says, Well, Im going to have a girl.
OK, says the first one, how do you know youre going to have a
girl?
Well, when my child was conceived, I was on the bottom. So Im going
to have a girl.
They sit and eat for a few minutes more, the third woman obviously
getting more and more distressed, until finally she breaks down into
horrible sobbing?
Whats wrong, whats wrong? the first two women ask with concern.
The third woman manages to stifle her sobs long enough to only say
one thing….
Im going to have a puppy!
11
Nov
Un hombre mayor va al médico porque ya no rinde lo que debiera rendir en la cama.
Mire, doctor, que yo antes en la cama era un tigre y ahora pues ya no.
Hombre, usted tiene que entender que a su edad…
Ya, pero tal vez usted pudiera hacer algo para solucionarlo.
Mire, para que usted lo entienda: un hombre a lo largo de su vida puede tirar 2000 cohetes; cuando los cohetes se acaban no se puede hacer nada.
Al dÃa siguiente vuelve el hombre y protesta:
Mire, doctor, usted me dijo que un hombre podÃa tirar 2000 cohetes. Yo llevo casado con mi mujer desde el 58 y habré tirado unos 1000 cohetes; entre ligues y juventud otros 500, ¿dónde están los 500 que faltan?
¿Y los que le han explotado en la mano?
11
Nov
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Watusi!
Watusi who?
Watusi is what you get!
11
Nov
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
My name is Billy. Whats yours? asked the first boy.
Tommy, replied the second. My Daddys an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living? asked Billy.
Tommy replied, My Daddys a lawyer.
Honest? asked Billy.
No, just the regular kind, replied Tommy.
11
Nov
A hot love scene at the beach, dramatical music, slowly each piece of cloth is falling and then a surprising funny end, that you will like. The swiss STOP AIDS campaigne wants to remind us, that there is something to think over, when love is in the air.
This and other comercials can be viewed or downloaded in Quick Time or Real Media format at http://www.stopaids.ch/e/movies.html.
10
Nov
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.
The teacher answered quickly, That would be the Titanic. St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didnt *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: How many people died on the ship?
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. 1,228, he answered.
Thats right! You may enter.
St. Peter turned to the lawyer. Name them.
10
Nov
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesnt want.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
10
Nov
WOMENS COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
So many men – so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
If they can put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all there.
10
Nov
Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.