The married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation. After a few days he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation.
Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his bachelor friend: Take next plane for fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress.
His friend was quick to wire back: Your wife and I arriving tomorrow 11.30 a.m. How long have you known about us?
Cada mañana, un mariquita (homosexual) se presentaba en la iglesia para escuchar misa con la misma ropa chillona: Calcetines rosas, pantalones verdes, corbata amarilla chillona, chaqueta rojo fucsia, etc…
Y esto desconcentraba fuertemente al cura. Y en esto que iba a pronunciar la oración pensando en la rara vestimenta del mariquita:
Porque Jesús, con 5000 panes y 3000 peces alimentó a 4000 personas! decÃa convencido.
¡Toma y yo!, gritaba el mariquita.
¡Ya me he vuelto a equivocar!, pensaba para sus adentros el cura.
Al dÃa siguiente todo se repite igual: el homosexual aparece en la iglesia con su rara ropa, se sienta en primera fila, y espera. Y el cura pronuncia las palabras:
¡Porque Jesús, con 5000 panes y 3000 peces alimentó a 4000 personas!
¡Toma y yo!, saltaba el maricón.
Y al tercer dÃa, el cura antes de salir pensó: hoy no me equivoco, hoy no, hoy no…
Y dijo gritando mas que nunca:
¡Porque Jesús, con 5 panes y 3 peces alimentó a 4000 personas! ¡Te jodes maricón! ¡Hoy no me equivocado!
¡Yo eso también lo hacÃa!
¿Ah sÃ?, ¿y como lo harÃas?, inquirió el cura.
¡Joder, pues con lo que sobró de ayer y de antes de ayer!
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him.
Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, Just what the hell are you doing?
Well, said the guy, you see, Im a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just cant help practicing my art!
Thats the stupidest thing Ive ever heard! the guy replied. Im a lawyer. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?
What is the height of laziness? Adoption.
A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with pharmacist and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf mute finally unzips his pants, places his penis on the counter and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.
The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket.
Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.
Look, the pharmacist says, if you cant afford to lose, you shouldnt bet.
The famous question… Why did the chicken cross the road ? when put
before a few Indians ………. this is what they had to say…..
Why did the chicken cross the road ?
Azhar:-
I am totally innocent, you know, I am unnecessarily being dragged into
this, you know….. I neither know the chicken nor the road, you
now….
Devegowda:-
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..mmmm…mm… chicken ??? Thanks, Ill have it later
!!………mm………zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Laloo:-
The fact, that the chicken crossed the road, means that, there is one
chicken missing from my poultry !!!
George Fernandes:-
I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean
years of public life. I dont own a house, or a car leave alone a
chicken !!!
Mulayam:-
I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class, ! so that
they can cross the road freely without their motives being questioned
Congress:-
That the chicken crossed the road clearly demonstrates the fact that
the people and chicken have lost confidence in the Government. The
Government should own moral responsibility and resign !!!
BJP:-
We are very sure of the fact that the chicken DID NOT cross the road.
Its a conspiracy by the congress to bring the Government down. The poor
chicken has been made a scapegoat in this whole issue
Mamta:-
Am I the chickens Sister ??? #**@! You better go and ask the chicken
itself !!
Jyoti Basu:-
Chicken ??!! Dont you dare call me a chicken ??? I just resigned
because of health reasons…
Harkishen Singh Surjeet:-
We are adopting a wait and watch policy. We have convened a meeting of
the third front today. We will decide the future course of action after
the chicken comes back..
Menaka Gandhi:-
Chicken crossed the road alone…!! If a vehicle had passed over it, we
would have lost one of our dearest creature.Ban all vehicles from using
that road. Protect our chikens…
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they dont speak the same language.
For example, if you told Navy personnel to secure a building, they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.
Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.
Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.
The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
The Jewish civilization is 6000 years old.
The Christian civilization is 2000 years old.
This implies that for 4000 years, the Jews had to persecute themselves.
I put this message on my machine during the baseball season. In the
background is the sound effect of a cheering crowd at a baseball game.
Were back at Wrigley Field for this, the final game of the 1990 baseball
season. The Cubs and Mets are tied for first, whoever wins this game takes
home the National League Eastern Division championship. Were in the 9th
inning, Cubs trailing 2-1, but they have Dunston on third with two
outs. Coming up to bat now, here is BOB! (crowd cheers in background) This
has been a solid season for Bob, 26 home runs, 87 runs batted in. A base hit
now will tie it for the Cubs, while a home run will give them the
championship..
Bob digs in against Dwight Gooden. Gooden has been masterful today, striking
out 16, while only allowing 3 base hits. Here comes the pitch . . . AND
THERES A LONG DRIVE DEEP TO RIGHT! THAT COULD BE OUT OF HERE! DARRYL
STRAWBERRY RACES OVER AND MAKES A LEAPING CATCH AT THE WALL AND BOB IS OUT!!!!
Yes, Bob is out, but hell be happy to return your call as soon as possible.
(BEEP)
Since I once worked in radio as a newscaster and DJ, I was able to do this so
that it sounded like an actual radio broadcast. The response to this
message, which ran a full 60 seconds, was interesting. Men loved it, and
passed my phone number around so that their buddies could call in and hear it.
Women, in general, didnt understand it, and left messages complaining that it
was too long, too loud, or didnt make any sense.
What did the apple say to the worm?