Old and New Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?

A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!



As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the companys secret files. From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65.



To everyones amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before.



After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous, the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually, the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, The first thing were going to do is fix the dang brakes on that truck!

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.

A stamp.

A girl lived in a small town out west. She had a beautiful face, but was way out of proportion. This girl had a really large ass, but very small tits.

Knowing there was nothing immediate she could to reduce her behind, she decided to do something right away to enlarge here chest.

She went to the doctor to check into a breast enlargement. The doctor stated that he really had to discourage breast enlargement surgery due to the many complications that other women were having.

The girl stated that she really wanted to do something to enlarge here chest. The doctor suggested Try taking a few pieces of toilet paper and rubbing in between your breasts 2-3 times a day.

She asked Do you really think this will make my breasts larger?

The doctor stated It worked on your ass, didnt it?

Gigli wasnt actually as bad as everyone thinks. I watched it on a plane, and there were only two walkouts.

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster.

Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.

Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse, rang the door bell.

A farmer appeared. The man, somewhat nervously said, I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him.

Suit yourself, the farmer replied, you can go join the other chickens that are around the back.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Lion!
Lion who?
Lion down on the job again!

Everyone hits a brick wall now and then; the trick is not to do it with your head.

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight.
After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink
orders. The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and
placed before him.

The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The
minister replied in disgust, Maam, Id rather be savagely raped by a
brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!

The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,Im
sorry, I didnt know there was a choice. Ill have the same thing hes
having.