An American earned some bonus from his work and he thought he deserved a hunting trip to Canada. When he came to Canada he popped in a hunting store for renting a hunting dog. Before he left, he asked the boss what the dogs name was, the boss told him the dogs name is Sales.
During the hunting, Sales was so great, he barked when he saw quarries. He never stopped chasing them until he got them. No need to say, the American really got a bunch of quarries when hes done this hunting trip.
Couple years after then, this American earned another big bonus again. So he thought about the Canada hunting trip again. Of course he went to the same hunting store to rent that dog named Sales as soon as he arrived Canada. However, the boss told him they didnt call him Sales any more. Just because of his excellent performance, they called him Manager now. At the very same moment, the boss pointed to one corner of the store and told the American, Now he does nothing but barks at that corner everyday.
Three statisticians are hunting when they see a deer in the clearing. One of them shoots and misses by ten feet to the left. The next one missis by ten feet to the right. The third one jumps up and yells, We got him!
Invitan a una chica a una fiesta. Siendo muy guapa, ella estaba un poco nerviosa respecto a qué tenÃa que hacer si algún chico querÃa propasarse. Su mamá le dijo:
No te preocupes, es muy fácil. Cuando un chico se te acerque y quiera algo más, tú le preguntas: ¿Qué nombre vamos a ponerle a nuestro bebé? Y eso lo va a asustar.
Con eso, se fue a la fiesta. En la fiesta, uno de lo chicos empezó a bailar con ella y, poco a poco, a besarla y cariciarla. Ella le preguntó:
¿Qué nombre vamos a ponerle a nuestro bebé?
El chico inventó una excusa y desapareció.
Un poco después, la misma escena volvió a suceder: un chico empezó a besarle el cuello, los hombros… y cuando ella le preguntó por el nombre del bebé, el chico se fue a otro lado.
Más tarde, otro chico la invitó a dar un paseo y, después de unos minutos,empezó a besarla y ella le preguntó:
¿Qué nombre vamos a ponerle a nuestro bebé?
Él seguÃa besándola y empezó a quitarle la ropa.
¿Qué nombre vamos a ponerle a nuestro bebé? volvió a preguntar ella.
Él empezó a hacerle el amor y ella volvió a preguntarle:
¿Qué nombre vamos a ponerle a nuestro bebé?
Cuando terminó, él se sacó el condón lleno, le hizo un par de nudos se lo dio y le dijo:
Si logra salir de aquÃ… le pones MacGyver.
The curator of an art gallery asked an artist for a painting depicting General Custers last thoughts.
Two weeks later, the artist unveiled the painting, an enormous canvas with a lovely blue lake painted in its center, with a fish leaping from the water with a shining halo around its head. On the shores of the lake were the most detailed pictures of Indians fornicating.
After gaping at the painting for some time, the enraged curator demanded to know what the theme was supposed to be.
The artist said, You asked for a painting of Custers last thoughts, he explained. Thats it. Custer was thinking, Holy mackerel, where did all those fucking Indians come from?
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.
El fumar mata, y si te mueres has perdido una parte muy importante de tu vida.
(Brooke Shields, entrevista para una campaña federal antitabaco, 1998)
Pregunta: Si usted pudiera vivir para siempre, ¿lo harÃa, y por qué?
Respuesta: Yo no vivirÃa para siempre porque no deberÃamos vivir para siempre, porque si se supusiera que debiéramos vivir para siempre, entonces vivirÃamos para siempre, pero no podemos vivir para siempre, que es por lo cual yo no vivirÃa para siempre.
(Miss Alabama en el concurso Miss Estados Unidos 1994)
Yo nunca he fumado marihuana porque eso da celulitis.
(Natalia Paris, top model colombiana, marzo 1999)
Siempre que veo la tele y veo esos pobres niños hambrientos en todo el mundo, no puedo evitar llorar. Quiero decir, me encantarÃa ser asà de flaquita, pero no con todas esas moscas y muerte y esas cosas…
(Mariah Carey, cantante pop, 1999)
Esa rastrera sinvergüenza merece ser matada a patadas por un asno… ¡Y yo soy justo la indicada para hacerlo!
(Claudia Shiffer sobre Naomi Campbell, 1998)
No he cometido ningún delito, lo que hice fue no cumplir con la ley.
(Jennifer López al ser detenida junto con Puff Daddy, 2000)
No es la contaminación la que esta dañando el ambiente, son las impurezas en nuestro aire y en nuestra agua las que lo están haciendo.
(Pamela Anderson Lee, febrero 2000)
Pregunta: ¿A qué personaje le gustarÃa conocer?
Respuesta: Definitivamente me gustarÃa conocer a Lady Di… Afortunadamente ya se murió.
(Miss Cauca en el concurso Miss Colombia 2000)
Un periodista a Carolina Zúñiga, candidata a Miss Chile 2000.
Pregunta: Si hubiese un holocausto nuclear, ¿qué pareja elegirÃa Ud. en todo el mundo (hombre y mujer) para preservar y multiplicar la especie humana?
Respuesta: Al Papa y a la Madre Teresa de Calcuta.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
My Novel not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Errors have occurred.
We wont tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.
Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again
The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.
Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?
Servers poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.
This site has been moved.
Wed tell you where, but then wed
have to delete you.
wind catches lily
scattring petals to the wind:
segmentation fault
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software cant bridge
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document youre seeking
Must now be retyped,
The ten thousan
whats the same between a dildo and soy beans?
Q: How many UNC-Chapel Hill students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One – he just holds the bulb and lets the world revolve around him.
That math profs marriage is falling apart!
No wonder! Hes into scientific computing – and shes incalculable!