The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple s house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. What are you doing? the mother-in-law asked. I am waiting for my husband to come home from work, the daughter-in-law replied. Why are you naked? asked the mother-in-law. This is my love dress, the daughter-in-law replied. LOVE DRESS! You are naked, said the mother-in-law. But my husband loves it when I wear this dress. It makes him happy and he makes me happy, said the daughter-in-law. I would appreciate your leaving now because my husband will be home any minute, the daughter-in-law continued. Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law left. On the way home, she thought about the LOVE DRESS and got an idea. She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume, and waited by the door for her husband to come home. Finally, the pickup truck drove up the drive way, and she took her place by the door. The father-in-law opened the door, and immediately saw his wife naked by the door. What are you doing? he asked. This is my love dress, the mother-in-law replied. Needs ironing, he replied
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didnt do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
Boss, he said, The pill actually worked!
Thats all fine said the boss, But where were you yesterday?
Things are more like today than they ever were before.
Ingedients
1 teaspoon sugar
2 bottles rum
1 cup dried mixed fruit
2 cups brown sugar
1 teaspoon soda
1 cup butter
2 large eggs
1/2 cup baking powder
1 ounce lemon juice
1/2 pound mixed nuts
Before starting, sample the rum to check quality. It must be just right.
To be sure rum is of proper quality, pour level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.
With electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again.
Meanwhile, make sure rum is still OK all right. Try another cup. Open second bottle, ifffxx necessary.
Sample rum again.
Next, sift 3 cups pepper of salt, really doesnt matter. Sample rum. Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add a bablespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find. Wix mel.
Greese oven. Turn cake pan to 350 degrees. Pour mess into boven and ake. Check rum and go to bed.
Went to lunch with a friend today to a new chicken place. We asked how they prepare their chickens.
We just tell them theyre going to die.
Joke found on http://www.jokesgalore.com
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from Bill Clinton.
Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk.
What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?
Their middle name.
(A joke that I heard on the radio this morning.)
President Clinton and his family went out one evening to a baseball game. When the home teams catcher heard that the president was sitting in the stands, he went over to Bill and whispered something in his ear.
Bill smiled. A few minutes later, the catcher came over and said Its time, Mr. President.
Bill lifted Hillary over his head, spun around a few times, and flung her over the railing onto the field.
The catcher, who looked surprised, ran over to the president and said, You seem to have misunderstood my request. I wanted you to throw out the first PITCH!
To clean a toilet bowl:
Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl. Let the real thing sit for one hour, then brush and flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous China.
To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers:
Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
To clean corrosion from car battery terminals:
Pour a can of carbonated Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
To loosen a rusted bolt:
Applying a cloth soaked in a carbonated soda to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
To bake a moist ham:
Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
To remove grease from clothes:
Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy work clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular wash cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
AND WE DRINK THIS STUFF!!