En un cine en el que se iba a presentar un estreno se formó desde temprano una larga cola. Entonces, una viejecita se acercó a la taquilla y la multitud empezó a gritar:
¡A la cola! ¡A la cola!
La anciana se detuvo un momento y la multitud calló, pero al volver a avanzar, la gente empezó a gritar a coro:
¡No se cuele! ¡A la cola!
Y asà sucedió muchas veces hasta que la viejecita, enojada, se alejó refunfuñando:
¡A ver ahora quién les vende los boletos!
Why do the signs that say Slow Children have a picture of a running
child?
(in light of recent happenings in the legal/computer world)
New t-shirt design, for Apple employees:
Look and Feel
(c) 1988
(commercial rights reserved, of course 🙂
Pepito estaba sentado en clase haciendo problemas de matemáticas cuando su profesora le dice:
Pepito, si hay cinco pájaros parados en un arbusto y le disparas a uno con una pistola, ¿Cuántos pájaros quedarÃan?
Ninguno, replicó pepito, porque uno morirÃa y los otros cuatro saldrÃan volando.
Bueno, la respuesta que estaba buscando era cuatro, pero me encanta tu manera de pensar.
Entonces Pepito dijo: Tengo una pregunta para usted, señorita. Si hay tres mujeres sentadas en un banco comiéndose un helado, la primera lo está lamiendo, la segunda lo está mordiendo y la tercera lo está chupando. ¿Cuál de ellas está casada?
La profesora se sonrojó y contestó tÃmidamente: Bueno, no estoy segura… Supongo que la que lo está chupando.
No. La que está casada es la que lleva el anillo de bodas en el dedo, ¡pero me encanta tu manera de pensar!
Llega la maestra de Pepito al salón y dice que no va a ver clases, pero iba a pasar lista rápidamente antes de irse a la dirección a arreglar unos papeles, y decide decir el nombre y la primera letra del primer apellido de cada alumno. Y empieza a pasar lista,:
Maria D
Presente, respondió la niña.
Juan C
Presente, maestra, respondió el niño.
José M
No vino, maestra respondieron los niños.
Ciriaco G
Y los niños le responden:
No maestra, no se fue a coger, está enfermo.
The
new manager walks into his office and, while settling
into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds
the words open me first, and the other three are numbered
1 to 3.
He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from
his predecessor saying: These three envelopes will
save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency,
please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope
one first, envelope two second, and envelope three
third.
The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and
forgets about them.
Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company
closes, and is losing money fast.
After a long night negotiating with the union, he
remembers the 3 envelopes. Shoe opens the first one
and it says: Blame me, your predecessor for everything.
Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and
the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and
everybodys happy.
A few month later, another strike hits. He goes to
the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads,
Blame the government for everything.
It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of
relief as his job is, once again, saved.
A month later the workers declare another strike.
The manager goes directly to the third envelope and
it reads, Prepare 4 new envelopes
Cheney gets a call from his boss, W.
Ive got a problem, says W.
Whats the matter? asks Cheney.
Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw
puzzle, but its too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I cant
find any edges.
Whats it a picture of? asks Cheney.
A big rooster, replies W.
All right, sighs Cheney, Ill come over and have a look.
So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. W points at
the jigsaw on his desk.
Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to W and says, For crying out
loud, Georgie – put the corn flakes back in the box.
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 oclock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, I bet you $50 the man is going to jump.
The blonde replies, Okay youre on. Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.
The brunette says, I cant accept this money. I watched the 5 oclock news and saw the man jump then.
No, you have to take it, says the blonde. I watched the 5 oclock news too, but I didnt think he would do it again.
Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men: The Sunday Oregonian, September 24
Low Wages Said Key to Poverty: Newsday, July 11
Man shoots neighbor with machete: The Miami Herald, July 3
Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes: The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30
Real newspaper headlinesThese are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the United States and world.
Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows: The New York Times, March 10
Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies: The Los Angeles Times, March 2
Scientists see quakes in L.A. future: The Oregonian, January 28
Wachtler tells graduates that life in jail is demeaning: The Buffalo News, February 26
Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold: Lexington Herald-Leader, January 26