Old and New Jokes

Pepito y su novia estaban sentados en la banca de un parque, cerca de la casa de ella, cuando la muchacha se da cuenta que una pareja de perros están apareándose. La joven, sorprendida por lo que ve, le pregunta a Pepito:

Amorcito, ¿qué es lo que están haciendo esos perritos?

Pepito la mira intrigado y responde:

En verdad, ¿no sabes qué es lo que hacen?

No, le contesta con inocencia.

Y Pepito, que no desperdicia una oportunidad, le pregunta:

¿Quieres que te enseñe?

Claro, contestó ella confiando en él.

Bueno, para empezar bájese los calzoncitos.

Se los baja, al tiempo que cuestiona:

¿Y ahora, qué?

Ahora súbase la enagüita.

La muchacha se la sube:

¿Y ahora, qué?

¡Ahora, agáchese y haga que está orinando por que ahí viene su papá!

Unos abuelos se quedan unos días con sus dos nietos adolescentes y, como sólo disponen de dos camas, deciden que la chica duerma con la abuela y el chico con el abuelo. De madrugada se oye al abuelo gritar muy contento:

¡Quiero una mujer! ¡Quiero una mujer!

La abuela se levanta para ver que ocurre; al entrar en la habitación, su nieto le solicita:

¡Por favor, abuela, dile que lo que tiene en la mano, no es de él!

Va un loro con su amo por la calle y de repente pasa un señor y pregunta:

Disculpe, ¿el animal habla?

A lo que el loro responde:

No, señor.

A man walks into a bar and sits down. He notices a foot-tall piano player playing up a storm.

Man: Hey, this guys really good! Whered you get him?



Barkeep: Oh, I have a magic lamp that gives me anything I want.



Man: Can I try?



Barkeep: Sure just rub it and say what you want.



Man (rubbing the lamp): I wish for ten thousand bucks.



* Ten thousand ducks appear *



Man: What the hell happened? I asked for 10,000 BUCKS, not DUCKS!



Barkeep: Think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?

Q. Why did the snooker player go to the toilet?

A. To pot the brown.

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her to shut up twice.

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.



She lies down on the bed… just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard shes thrown out of the bed.



Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more.

Again a train shakes the room so violently, shes pitched to the floor.



Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager.

The manager says hell be right up.



The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

Look… lie here on the bed — youll be thrown right to the floor!

So he lies down next to the wife.



Just then the husband walks in. What, he says, are you doing here!?!



The manager calmly replies, Would you believe Im waiting for a train?

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

until daughters are born.

Damage from frequent crashes greatly limited by agonizingly slow speeds.

MS-AAA mysteriously knows where you are and what you ran into before you even call.

Lets you e-mail viruses to jerks who cut you off in traffic.

Sure, you *own* the car — but your nerdy 17-year-old nephew is the only one who can figure out how to drive it.

Engine trouble? Just execute a Ctrl+Alt+Honk and the car repairs itself.

Crowby, the annoying, animated crowbar, keeps changing the radio station.

It doesnt matter how good it is, those techno-snobs with the free Linux cars always look down on you.

Its a royal pain to try to pull into a non-Microsoft gas station.

Now only takes THREE MINUTES to start.

Whenever you leave your driveway, the little paperclip guy jumps out of the glove box and says, It looks like youre going to work! Can I help?

You have to reinstall the entire engine once a month.

After putting it in park, it shakes and rattles for a couple minutes before you finally get the signal that its safe to turn off the engine.

Despite reassurances of improved security from Microsoft, hackers can easily gain entry by simply using the door handles.

You cant lend it to someone else; they have to purchase their own.

You have to pull to the side of the road, turn off and restart the engine whenever you change CDs.