Old and New Jokes

1) A Guide to Arab Democracies
2) A Journey through the Mind of Dennis Rodman
3) Amelia Earharts Guide to the Pacific Ocean
4) Career Opportunities for History Majors
5) Contraception by Pope John Paul II
6) Detroit – A Travel Guide
7) Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
8) Dr. Kevorkians Collection of Motivational Speeches
9) Easy UNIX
10) Bulgarian Tips on World Dominance
11) Everything Men Know About Women
12) French Hospitality
13) Bob Dole: The Wild Years
14) How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel
15) Mike Tysons Guide to Dating Etiquette
17) Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
18) Popular Lawyers
19) Staple Your Way to Success
20) The Amish Phone Book

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest says, Cross you arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand. The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, Try saying things like, I see, yes, go on, I understand, and how did you feel about that? The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, Now, dont you think thats a little better than saying, Whoa… What happened next?

Q: What kind of jewelry does Hillary look best in?
A: Handcuffs.

Q: Why did the Real Man sit in the dark?
A: He couldnt find a new light bulb and was too embrassed to ask.

Conversation between Room Service and guest in Asian Hotel. Read Aloud for maximum entertainment

Room Service: Morny. Ruin sorbees.
Guest: Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.
RS: Rye . . . Ruin sorbees . . . morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??
G: Uh . . . yes . . . Id like some bacon and eggs.
RS: Ow July den?
G: What??
RS: Ow July den? . . . pry, boy, pooch?
G : Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.
RS: Ow July dee bayhcem . . . crease?
G: Crisp will be fine.
RS : Hokay. An San tos?
G: What?
RS: San tos. July San tos?
G: I dont think so.
RS: No? Judo one toes??
G: I feel really bad about this, but I dont know what
judo one toes means.
RS: Toes! toes! . . . why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish
mopping we bother?
G: English muffin!! Ive got it! You were saying Toast.
Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.
RS: We bother?
G: No . . . just put the bother on the side.
RS: Wad?
G: I mean butter . . . just put it on the side.
RS: Copy?
G: Sorry?
RS: Copy . . . tea . . . mill?
G: Yes. Coffee please, and thats all.
RS: One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease
baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and
copy . . . rye??
G: Whatever you say.
RS: Tendjewberrymud.
G : Youre welcome.

One time a brunette got hit with an apple and cried and then a red head got hit with a pumpkin and cried and then a blonde didnt know there was a bomb in her house so she farted and the house blew up and then she laughed… ha ha ha…

oh ya just becuz i am a blonde dont meen i cant make fun of them.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Malcolm!
Malcolm who?
Malcome you didnt do your homework!

Fourth Law of Applied Terror: The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria. Corollary: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructors course.

I like to see ugly people holding hands.
I figure it gets them both out of circulation.

-Gallagher

How do men exercise at the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.