Old and New Jokes

10. Just keeps repeating over and over again, Im sleepy
9. Months after inauguration, still hasnt shown up at city hall
8. Campaign slogan: Whats in it for me?
7. When confronted with a crisis, you overhear him mumble, What would Norm on Cheers do?
6. His date for his inauguration is Heidi Fleiss
5. During acceptance speech, addresses voters as suckers
4. Last name: McCheese
3. Within hours after his inauguration, all water and electricity are shut off
2. The day after election day he wakes up naked on the Staten Island ferry
1. Raises taxes; lowers pants

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says Whats wrong with Schlitz, dont you like it? The man says, I hate that shit. Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, You drink a case of any beer youre going to blow chunks. You dont understand; says the man, Chunks is my dog.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Iraq.

Youre so short, you could play racquetball on the curb.

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured Id better run too!

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It doesnt matter, hes not going to come anyway.

(I heard this joke from a friend, and he attributed it to another friend.
This is purported to be a true quotation.)

Prior to the World Championships in Rome, Ben Johnson was asked whether
he would prefer a gold medal or a world record. He said that he would
prefer a gold medal because, no one can ever take it away from me.

Jeff Salowe

There is two woman that go fishing together all the time.One lady asked the other,why is it that I never get nothing but you always seem to get the fish.Her friend said,Well every morning I pull the covers back and see witch side my husbands penis is laying.If its on the right I fish of the right side,If its on the left I fish of the left.The first lady said HO I see but what do you do if its standing staigh up.Her friend replide WHO WANTS TO GO FISHING IF ITS STANDING!!!

A woman walks in a bathroom and sees a little indian in the toilet. So she asks him, Who are you? and he says back, Im an Indian so she asks again How long have you been in there? he says back, Many moons.

There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk – the ghost which lived there was feared by all.

However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost I mean no harm – I just want your photograph. The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines – he posed for a number of ghostly shots.

The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed.

So whats the moral of the story?

The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.