A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.
05
Jun
05
Jun
There was this Sheik in the desert who was a very cruel man, but had a sporting nature. Once when he had condemned a prisoner to die, he changed his mind and gave the man a chance to go free.
He explained to the prisoner that he must conquer three challenges to be given his freedom.
He said they are contained in these three tents you see before you. You must drink all the Arabian wine you find in the first tent. In the second tent you must remove an absessed tooth from a saber tooth tiger with your bare hands.
If you survive that, you must then satisfy the romantic wishes of a beautiful princess in the third tent. Should you complete these tasks, you shall go free with my blessing and the princess as your bride.
The prisoner was eager to start and entered the first tent and soon singing and breaking bottles and jars were heard.
After some time, the prisoner stumbled from the first tent into the second and the singing became yelling and snarling. The tent was shaking and things hit the sides.
After a few moments the man fell through the door covered in blood and his clothes ripped to shreds. The tigers roars urged him to his feet.
He looked dazed and confused and drunk. He shouted to the Sheik: Where is that lady with the absessed tooth?
04
Jun
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The dim bulbs arent changed, they are humanely euthanized.
04
Jun
The Judge said to the defendant. I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again.
Your Honor, the criminal said, thats what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldnt listen.
04
Jun
IBM: You can buy better, but you cant pay more.
04
Jun
The lawyers son wanted to follow in his fathers footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home to join his fathers firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his fathers office, and said, Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that youve been working on for ten years!
His father responded: You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for ten years!
03
Jun
Un hombre se muere y se va al cielo. Se la pasa rezando ave marÃas, padres nuestros y cantando a los angeles…
Un dÃa mira hacia abajo y ve el infierno… y mira una mujeres desnudas buenÃsimas bailando, tomando, en gran farra, divertidÃsimo…
Habla con San Pedro y pide que le mande al infierno… y para allá va derechito.
Ni bien llega, le echan lava hirviendo, le pegan con cadenas, le bañan en mierda, todo…
Va donde el Diablo y le dice que, ¿Qué pasó? Yo vi mujeres hermosas desnudas bailando y tomando…
El Diablo contesta, ¡Ah! Ese es nuestro departamento de marketing.
03
Jun
En México, la pereza (fiaca, flojera, gandulerÃa, indolencia) es conocida como hueva, y el que la cultiva huevón.
Reflexiones médicas y fÃsico – matemáticas sobre la hueva
La hueva no se crea ni se destruye solo se transmite.
La hueva es una energÃa que no se transforma en trabajo, pero el trabajo si se transforma en hueva.
La hueva es inversamente proporcional al trabajo y directamente proporcional a todo lo demás.
La hueva produce calor y viceversa.
La hueva siempre es absoluta, jamás es relativa.
La hueva no tiene limite.
La hueva es asintomática.
La hueva es no-decreciente.
La hueva en un grupo de personas tiende al equilibrio.
La hueva es una enfermedad contagiosa y progresiva, pero nadie se ha muerto de hueva.
La hueva siempre produce más hueva y se reproduce exponencialmente.
La hueva nace, crece, se reproduce, pero no muere: es eterna, atemporal y adimensional.
El dÃa de la semana dedicada a la hueva es el hueves.
Por cierto, ya me dio hueva.
03
Jun
A young man, who worked at a driving range, picked up a couple of dozen
old balls one day and took them home with him, stuffing them into his
pants pockets.
On the bus on his way home, an elderly old lady sat down next to him,
so he had to scrunch them up to make room for her. He noticed after a
while the lady was glancing sideways toward his pockets. A bit
embarrassed, he said to the lady, Its all right maam, theyre just
golf balls.
She nodded and smiled sympathetically and a few moments later said,
Tell me – is that something like tennis elbow?
02
Jun
When I die, I cant decide if I want to go to heaven for the weather,
or to hell for the company.