Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesnt know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

Colvards Unconscionable Commentary: This is especially true when dealing with someone youre attracted to.

LONDON – A baffled British woman who lost a mobile phone dialed
the number and heard it ringing inside her friends dog.

Rachel Murray, 27, had left the cellphone under her Christmas tree as a
surprise gift for her flatmate, The Sun newspaper reported on Friday.

But chum Tony Dangerfields bloodhound Charlie crept into the room and
greedily wolfed down the mobile phone, leaving only a pile of torn paper.

After a frantic search for the phone, Murray obtained the number from the
telephone company, dialed and heard muffled ringing from sleeping Charlies
stomach.

At first I thought Charlie was lying on the phone — then I realized where
it was, she said. I couldnt believe hed swallowed it.

The dog was rushed to a vet, who advised Murray and Dangerfield to let
nature take its course.

Twenty four hours later the phone duly emerged — in perfect working order.

Three nuns were sitting on a park bench one day. A flasher walked up and showed
them his stuff.
The first nun had a stroke.
The second nun had a stroke.
The third nuns arm was too short.

How many LAPD officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five: One to screw in a new bulb, and four to beat the hell out of the old one for being dark.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who cant even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts the sentence with, A man once told me…

How do you fix a womans watch?
You dont. Theres a clock on the stove.

Why do men pass gas more than women do?
Because women wont shut up long enough to build up pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course… at least hell shut up after youve let him in.

All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

Whats worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who wont do what shes told.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

I married Miss Right. I just didnt know her first name was Always.

I havent spoken to my wife for 18 months – I dont like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a womans sex drive by 90 percent – wedding cake.

Yo mama so stupid she got fired from the M&M factory because she throw out all the Ws.

A: They dont know the route.

How do you compliment a donkey? Hey, nice ass!