Old and New Jokes

What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown? Artificial intelligence.

A man went to visit his doctor. Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please? the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the mans sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. Hello, Doctort; says the arm. Could you lend me twenty bucks please? Im desperate!
Aha! says the doctor.
I see the problem. Your arm is broke!

Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital! Nurse: What is it? Doctor: Its a big building with a lot of doctors, but thats not important now.

Our program,

Who art in memory,

Hello be thy name.

Thy spreadsheets be formatted,

thy code be downloaded,

from disk

as it will be in memory.

Give us on screen

our data spreads,

and forgive us our typos,

as we forgive those who ask that we document.

Lead us not into frustration,

but deliver us from glitches.

For thine is the algorithm,

the application,

and the solution,

looping forever and ever.

Return.

Q: What did did the mother duck say to the little duck.
A: If you dont behave, Im gonna quack you one.

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. He takes a drink out of one… sets it down. Takes a drink out of the second… sets it down. Takes a drink out of the third one… sets it down. — and repeats this process until all three beers are gone. The man leaves. On the same day the following week he is back and does the same thing with the three beers. This goes on for a month or two. The bartender is getting curious. The next time the man comes in, the bartender says, "I dont mean to be nosy, but why do you drink from three beers at one time?"The man says, "When my two brothers and I lived close, we would go to the bar every week and have a beer together. Now we are all married and have moved far away. We all agreed that wherever we are, every week, we will each go to a local bar and have three beers to remember old times."The bartender nods and goes on. The man finishes his three beers and leaves. A month later the man comes in and orders only two beers. He takes a drink from one… sets it down. Takes a drink from the second beer… sets it down, and repeats this process until the two beers are gone. This goes on for about a month and the bartender gets curious. The next time the man is in the bar, the bartender inquires, "I dont mean to be nosy, but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away or something?"The man says, "Oh, no, nothing like that. Its just that my wife said that I couldnt go to the bar and drink anymore… but she didnt say anything about my brothers."

A cabbage, a water hose, and a bottle of tomato sauce joined a race. The race goes on and this is what happens…The cabbage is a-head… the hose is still running… and the bottle is trying to ketchup…

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Walt!
Walt who?
Walt till your father gets home!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Weevil!
Weevil who?
Weevil work it out!

Están un cirujano, un ingeniero y una informática discutiendo acerca de cuál es la profesión más antigua del mundo:

El médico dice: Pues está claro: Dios creó a la mujer con una costilla del hombre, una operación quirúrgica exquisita, entonces los cirujanos somos los primeros.

El ingeniero: Qué va,qué va, antes del hombre existía el caos, pura desorganización y va Dios y con una maestría extraordinaria hace un proyecto de ingeniería asombroso y crea el universo, por tanto la Ingeniería es la profesión más antigua.

La informática: ¿Y quién creen ustedes que creó el Caos?