What educational programs should the United States support to alleviate the burgeoning US-Japan trade imbalance?
Japanese language lessons for lawyers.
20
Aug
20
Aug
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrows final exam.
Now class, I wont tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family – but thats it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks,What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student,shakes her head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess youd have to write the exam with your other hand.
20
Aug
A lady went to bed and turned out all the lights. Later she awoke and heard
a crash, instantly she died of shock. What kind of house did she live in?
A LIGHTHOUSE!!!
20
Aug
What do you call a prostitute covered in tattoos?
The Scenic Root.
20
Aug
Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
20
Aug
Yo momma so stupid when someone asks her to count to 10 she goes one, another one, another one, another one
20
Aug
Why does Michael Jackson put dairly on his nob
20
Aug
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didnt know what Johnnys problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel — they said, because it was bigger.One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you dont know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because its bigger, or what?"Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, theyd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"
20
Aug
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below.
He lowers the balloon further and shouts: Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?
The man below says: yes youre in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.
You must work in Information Technology, says the balloonist.
I do, replies the man. How did you know?
Well says the balloonist, everything you have told me is technically correct, but its no use to anyone.
The man below says, You must work in Management.
I do replies the balloonist, but how did you know?
Well, says the man, you dont know where you are, or where youre going, but you expect me to be able to help. Youre in the same position you were before we met, but now its my fault.
20
Aug
Guy: Sir? Are we happy?
Other guy: Oh, God! I hate that question!
Guy: But we must be, righ? Compared to people in Turkish prisons … or Madonna fans or …
Other guy: Thats the problem, kid … happiness is all relative!
Guy: Oh. Okay then, do we feel good?
Other guy: You mean right now?
Guy: Gee … I dunno.
Other guy: Lets see … we just got a big zit on our nose … but that asteroid did miss earth. New episode of Star Trek tonight … but theyre rioting again in Antarctica …
Guy: Ill ask again later.
Other guy: Nice day, bad breath, good hair, slow death, cold beer, tight shorts, Giants win, Planters warts …
Political humor via *The Santa Cruz Comic News*