All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
05
Apr
04
Apr
Está un espantoso hombre cojo caminando por la calle y burdamente le dice a una muchacha:
¡Ay, mamacita, cómo estás de buena!
Ella, indignada, le contesta:
¡Cállese, cojo feo!
Y él le dice:
No importa, yo te enseño.
04
Apr
Witness: Well, I think …
Lawyer: Dont think! In this court you tell what you know not what you think.
Witness: Im not a lawyer. I cant talk without thinking!
03
Apr
You might be a redneck if…
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
03
Apr
How did you ever come up with the name Democrat for a dog? I asked.Well its simple, he said.
1. He consumes more than he produces
2. You cant understand a word hes saying.
3. It takes two working Republicans to support his lazy @$$.
03
Apr
Ai Bang Mai Ne
I bumped into the coffee table
Ar U Wun Tu
A gay liberation greeting
Chin Tu Fat
You need a face lift
Dum Gai
A stupid person
Gun Pao Der
An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung
Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding
We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive
Jan Ne Ka Sun
A former late night talk show host
Kum Hia
Approach me
Lao Ze Sho
Gilligans Island
Lao Ze
Not very good
Lin Ching
An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding
A great achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn
A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai
A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be
A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne
A small horse
Ten Ding Ba
Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung
A person with T.B.
Yu Mai Te Tan
Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you
Wa Shing Kah
Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim
Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting
There is no reason to raise your voice
03
Apr
Definition of a Wife:
(B)eautiful (I)ntelligent (T)alented (C)harming (H)omemaker
03
Apr
Original: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer …
Translation: Rudolph was a four-hooved ungulate,
Original: Had a very shiny nose …
Translation: Who, incidentally, possessed a nasal appendage of a maroon lustre.
Original: And if you ever saw him …
Translation: Consequently, if circumstances were to present themselves that he ever came into your view,
Original: You would even say it glows …
Translation: You would most undoubtedly remark at to its illuminary qualities.
Original: All of the other reindeer …
Translation: The multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community,
Original: Used to laugh and call him names …
Translation: Had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms – the objective of which was to lower his self-esteem and make him miserable.
Original: They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games …
Translation: They also excluded him from participation in leisure activities consistent with their species.
Original: Then one foggy Christmas eve …
Translation: However, on the twenty-fourth of December in an unspecified year …
Original: Santa came to say …
Translation: A mythological, supernatural being inherent to western culture (who symbolizes the Christmas attitude and allegedly brings gifts to children) arrived through the super-saturated, humid air.
Original: Rudolph, with your nose so bright …
Translation: He formally invited Rudolph, due to his extraordinary nasal characteristic.
Original: Wont you guide my sleigh tonight?
Translation: To stand at the forefront of his snow vehicle with the express purpose that he navigate through the nocturnal mist.
Original: Then all the reindeer loved him …
Translation: At that point, the multitude of other members of the population in his ecological community who had previously teased, chuckled boisterously, and dubbed him unspeakable pseudonyms, reversed their disposition toward Rudolph to a more congenial, amicable relationship.
Original: And they shouted out with glee …
Translation: They consequently exclaimed with great exaltation and fervor,
Original: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer …
Translation: Rudolph, the antlered mammal with a maroon nasal appendage,
Original: Youll go down in history!
Translation: You shall most certainly be recorded in the annals of time, and your memory will be preserved for posterity!
[Thanks to Mary Campbell]
02
Apr
Why does Clinton were flannel underwear?
To Keep his knees warm.
02
Apr
Whats the last thing a gay mortician does before he goes home?
Sucks down a cold one!