A little girl at the zoo asks her father, Whats that hanging down from the elephant?
Thats his trunk, the father replies.
No! The other thing, persisted the little girl.
Oh. Thats the elephants penis.
The little girl replied, Hmmm. How come when I asked Mom she said it was nothing?
Well… your Mother is a very spoiled woman.
Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. So, how did you do son? he asked.
Youll never believe it! Billy said. I was responsible for the winning run!
Really? Howd you do that?
I dropped the ball.
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, Now how can I tell my wife that Ive got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? Ive managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but shes bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, Now how do I tell my husband that Ive got really bad breath? Ive been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as hes lived with me for a week, hes bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, Darling, Ive a confession to make.
And she says, So have I, love.
To which he replies, Dont tell me, youve eaten my socks.
When the Arks door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals. Listen up! Noah said with a demanding voice. There will be NO SEX on this trip! All of you males take off your penis and hand it in to my sons. I will sit over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your penis back.
After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wifes cage and was very excited. Quick! he said, Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!
Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window, and said, Sorry, no land yet.
Darn it!, exclaimed Mr. Rabbit.
This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. Mrs. Rabbit asked, What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water has drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?
LOOK!, said Mr. Rabbit with a sly expression, as he held out a piece of paper…
I GOT THE HORSES RECEIPT!!
On her way home a blonde drove past a sign that said CLEAN
RESTROOMS 8 MILES.
By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Whats another word for thesaurus?
There was 2 groundhogs on one side of the road and the one groundhog said I bet the grass on that side of the road would be good.
The little groundhog said just wait a minute and dug a hole under the road to the other side. By that time a old woman stop to take a piss right when the groundhog poped up the old woman pissed on him. He ran to the other side of the road and said you dont want to go over there because it rains so damn hard over there even the birds built there nest upside down.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you cant have your kayak and heat it, too.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.