Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.

-Home

Q: Which is the odd one out – a refrigerator, a washing machine, a TV or a woman?

A: The TV because all the others leak when theyre fucked!

There was a brunette, a blonde, and a redhead and they were in the third grade. Who had the biggest tits?

The blonde, because she was

18.

I got this one from my Uncle over the Christmas Holidays, Ive no idea
where he got it from….

A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be
confronted by his teacher:

Teacher: Morning Tommy, and why werent you at school yesterday?

Tommy: Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt.

Teacher: Oh Dear, he wasnt too badly hurt I hope?

Tommy: Oh yes Miss, they dont fuck around at those crematoriums.

You might be a redneck if youve totaled every car youve ever owned!

Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news. Patient: Go with the good news first. Doctor: You have 24 hours to live. Patient: What?! How about the bad news? Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 25 years with only
suitably shaped holes in trees for sex. Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in
search of this legendary figure.

One day, deep in the wilds, she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan
vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while.

Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion, Jane came out into the open
and offered herself to him. As she reclined on the wild grass, Tarzan became
aroused. He quickly ran over and kicked her in the crotch.

In pain, she screamed, What the hell did you do that for?

Tarzan replied, Tarzan always check for squirrels.

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.

What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.? said the officer.

Im going to a lecture. the man said.

And who is going to give a lecture at this hour? the cop asked.

My wife. said the man.

Q: Did you know that there is a food out there that will stop a woman from wanting sex?

A: Its called Wedding Cake