Old and New Jokes

Q. What did one lesbian frog say to the other?

A. Hey!!, we do taste like chicken!

Q. Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?

A. Because, he saw the snowblower coming up the street.

There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength.

Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying.

One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope.

The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, Whenever it breaks.

A REALLY Bad Day

So you think youre having a bad day. The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.

The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance.

The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his ankle!

The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate:

This fire help. Me Groog

Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work.

You have flint and stone?

Ugh

You hit them together?

Ugh

What happen?

Fire not work

(sigh) Make spark?

No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday.

*sigh* You change rock?

I change nothing

You sure?

Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldnt keep Lorto from make fire.

* Grabs club and goes to Lortos cave *

* WHAM * WHAM * WHAM * WHAM *

from rec.humor.funny.reruns

A small company was on the edge of bankruptcy. The owner summoned his two-man sales force into his office.

Things arent going too well, guys, he announced grimly. So to perk up sales Im announcing a contest. The guy with the most sales gets a blow job.



What does the loser get? asked one of the salesmen.



The owner looked at both men and said, The loser gets to give it.

On New Yorks Upper West Side lived an assimilated Jew who was a militant atheist. But he sent his son to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it’s a great school and completely secular.After a month, the boy comes home and says casually, “By the way Dad, do you know what ‘Trinity’ means? It means the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.”The father can barely control his rage. He seizes his son by the shoulders and declares, “Danny, I’m going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. There is only one God. AND we don’t believe in Him!”

A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentencewas a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them.The first guy decides totake an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants.The second guy decides totake a water bottle so that he wont get thirsty. Finally, the third guydecides to take a car door. The judge asked, "Whyin the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case itgets hot, I can roll down the window."

Question : Sabse jyada sardar kahan miltey hein

Answer : jokes mein

10 things men know about women:

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10: They have tits

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, Im here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.

Thats quite a coincidence, said the engineer. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.

The lawyer puzzedly asked, How do you start a flood?