Carter is no longer the worst U.S. President
31
Dec
31
Dec
Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says Hillary, I know youre somebody down on Earth, but up here, youre just another person. And, Im swamped right now, so have a seat and Ill get back with you as soon as I can.
So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She cant help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.
When St. Peter returns she asks Whats the deal with the clocks?
St. Peter replies There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth.
Hillary asks, Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?
St. Peter replies, That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery.
Hillary asks, Well, is my husbands clock on the wall?
St. Peter replies, Of course not. God has it in his office and is using it for an electric fan.
31
Dec
Q: Who was the first liberal Democrat?
A: Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where hed been, and did it all on borrowed money.
31
Dec
President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival, they were brought to see him.
First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart. So the Wizard said, So be it.
Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, People think Im unintelligent and have no common sense whatsoever. I want a brain. The Wizard said, So be it.
Third to ask the Wizard was Ross Perot. People say I have no confidence, and I lack conviction. I wish to have some courage. The Wizard granted this wish as well.
And then Bill Clinton approached the Wizard. The Wizard looked at him and said, Well, what do you want? To which Clinton replied, Im here for Dorothy!
31
Dec
Clinton: (C)razed (L)ow-class (I)diot (N)ow (T)aking (O)ver (N)ation
31
Dec
Q: Why were the Clintonites pushing the BTU Tax?
A: Because they could spell it.
31
Dec
A man dies, and hes looking in the gates of hell.
There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl. The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is with this hideous looking person. The Devil replies, Well, Jack has done some bad things in his life and thats his punishment.
The man looks around a little more and sees Bill Clinton with a beautiful model. The stunned guy asks Whats Bill Clinton doing with that model? The devil replied, Well, that model did some pretty bad things in her life.
31
Dec
The good news about Clintons health care is that everyone will be covered. The bad news is that it will be with dirt.
31
Dec
Clinton: (C)learly (L)oose (I)nternal (N)avigation (T)echniques (O)ccupy (N)ever-Neverland
31
Dec
Clinton: (C)razy (L)iberal (I)ntent (O)n (N)eedlessly (T)rashing (O)ur (N)ation