Old and New Jokes

A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.

But it also lit up her arm, too!

Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.

A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm.

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community…. and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, Gosh, Id really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place.

Texas virus: Makes sure that its bigger than any other file.

At the time of writing, Microsofts slogan for Windows 95 was Where do you want to go today? These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.

12. Double your drive space: Delete Windows!

IBM: Institute of Black Magic

IBM: I Buy Mainframes

At the time of writing, Microsofts slogan for Windows 95 was Where do you want to go today? These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.

14. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [A]solutely [O]f Course!

Here is a basic descriptions of what may happen if an airplane had a specific operating system running.

CAIRO: The airplane is distributed among 47 different hangars in 13 airports scattered over 8 states, 4 Canadian provinces, and a remote mountain hideaway in Nicaragua. But you dont need to know where the airplane is or who it belongs to in order to fly it. Actually, you dont fly the airplane itself; you fly a simulation that behaves just like the real thing except that you dont go anywhere. But thats okay, because when the world is at your fingertips you never need to leave home.

Dot Matrix – Eino Matrixs wife

Keyboard – Where youre supposed to put the keys so the wife can find them