Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he cant see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.
Q: How many A & R men does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Were not changing any lightbulbs at the moment.
Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Did you try rebooting with extensions off ?
Note: On the Macintosh, certain types of crashes can sometimes be attributed to not-quite-compatible extensions. One way to find out if one of the extensions is at fault in a crash is to reboot with extensions off and see if it crashes again.
Q: Why did the lightbulb cross the road ?
A: Because it saw 2 elephants coming.
Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There is nothing to change.
Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10,000 – to give the bulb a cultural revolution.
Q: How many Apple Newton users does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, tharks to the extnq-producilve handwritling processcr.
Q: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What do you mean change it? Its a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*.
Q: How many battery chickens does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 21. 1 to change the bulb, and 20 to provide the current.
Q: How many election canvassers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Theyd just go round telling everyone that its time for a change but the only way this can come about is if everyone votes for New lightbulb.