Q: How many gun control advocates does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They dont do that; they pass laws against burned-out bulbs, and then they wonder why its still so dark. Meanwhile, a lot of people get hurt because they cant see.

Tres octogenarios se ponen a comentar todo lo que hacen para tratar de dormir de noche, ya que cada vez les cuesta más trabajo hacerlo.

El primero declara que se queda escuchando radio toda la noche porque no puede agarrar el sueño.

El segundo tampoco puede dormir, por lo que toda la noche la pasa leyendo.

El tercero dice que él no tiene problemas y que duerme toda la noche.

Intrigados, los otros dos le preguntan que cómo le hace.

El vetusto les responde que todas las noches se masturba.

¿Y acabas?, le cuestionan asombrados.

No, pero me canso y me duermo.

Women have their faults.

Men have only two.

Everything they say and

everything they do.

Why does a chicken lay eggs? Because if she dropped them, theyd break

1. Ive smoked fatter joints than that.

2. Ahh, its cute.

3. Who circumcised you?

4. Why dont we just cuddle?

5. You know they have surgery to fix that.

6. Its more fun to look at.

7. Make it dance.

8. You know, theres a tower in Italy like that.

9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?

10. It looks like a night crawler.

11. Wow, and your feet are so big.

12. My last boyfriend was 4 bigger.

13. Its ok, well work around it.

14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?

15. Eww, theres an inch worm on your thigh.

16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

17. Oh no, a flash headache.

18. (giggle and point)

19. Can I be honest with you?

20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.

21. Let me go get my tweezers.

22. How sweet, you brought incense.

23. This explains your car.

24. You must be a growing boy.

25. Maybe if we water it, itll grow.

26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.

27. Are you one of those pygmies?

28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?

29. Every heard of clearasil?

30. All right, a treasure hunt!

31. I didnt know they came that small.

32. Why is God punishing you?

33. At least this wont take long.

34. I never saw one like that before.

35. What do you call this?

36. But it still works, right?

37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.

38. It looks so unused.

39. Do you take steroids?

40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.

41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

42. Why dont we skip right to the cigarettes?

43. Oh, I didnt know you were in an accident.

44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?

45. Aww, its hiding.

46. Are you cold?

47. If you get me real drunk first.

48. Is that an optical illusion?

49. What is that?

50. Ill go get the ketchup for your french fry.

51. Were you neutered?

52. Its a good thing you have so many other talents.

53. Does it come with an air pump?

54. So this is why youre supposed to judge people on personality.

55. Where are the puppet strings?

56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.

57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.

58. Never mind, why bother.

59. Is that a second belly button?

60. Wheres the rest of it?

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?""You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team’s response times. “Since we installed our new satellite navigation system,” bragged one, “we’ve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.”

“Not bad,” the second paramedic commented. “But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent.”

“That’s nothing said the third paramedic. “Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we’ve cut our emergency response time in half!”

Q: Whats invisible and smells like carrots???
A: Bunny farts!

The President of the synagogue went to visit the Rabbi in the hospital, who had just suffered a mild heart-attack.

He says, Rabbi, the board just voted 12 to 8 to wish you a speedy recovery!

Yo mammas breath so nasty that when she burps her teeth have to duck