A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her.
How can I get to the other side of the river? she shouts loudly.
The other blonde replied What for? You are already on the other side of the river!
A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.
The brunette suggested, There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but its not going to be legal.
That doesnt matter at all, replied the blonde. All that matters it that I am able to sell this car.
Alright, replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldnt be a problem to sell your car.
The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunettes advice.
About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, Did you sell your car?
No! replied the blonde. Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Artery — Study of paintings
Bacteria — Back door of cafeteria
Barium — What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel — Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section — District in Rome
Cat scan — Searching for kitty
Cauterize — Made eye contact with her
Colic — Sheep dog
Coma — A punctuation mark
Congenital — Friendly
D&C — Where Washington is
Diarrhea — Journal of daily events
Dilate — To live long
Enema — Not a friend
Fester — Quicker
Fibula — A small lie
G.I. Series — Soldiers ball game
Grippe — Suitcase
Hangnail — Coathook
Impotent — Distinguished, well known
Intense pain — Torture in a teepee
Labor pain — Got hurt at work
Medical staff — Doctors cane
Morbid — Higher offer
Nitrate — Cheaper than day rate
Node — Was aware of
Outpatient — Person who had fainted
Pelvis — Cousin of Elvis
Post operative — Letter carrier
Protein — Favoring young people
Rectum — It almost killed him
Recovery room — Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic — Amorous
Scar — Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion — Hiding anything
Seizure — Roman emperor
Serology — Study of knighthood
Tablet — Small table
Terminal illness — Sickness at airport
Tibia — Country in North Africa
Tumor — An extra pair
Urine — Opposite of youre out
Varicose — Located nearby
Vein — Conceited
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out green side up!
In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled green side up! The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.
In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled green side up! The lady then asked him, Why do you keep yelling green side up? Im sorry, came the reply. But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
A blond and her blond boyfriend went for a walk along the river. The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. While on the other side of the river, the bridge fell down. She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldnt get back. He yelled in response, Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back. She replied, No, Ill get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off.
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: Why dont blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They cant get the bottle into the typewriter.