Old and New Jokes

Berkeleys Laws: (1) The world is more complicated than most of our theories make it out to be. (2) Ignorance is no excuse. (3) Never decide to buy something while listening to the salesman. (4) Most problems have either many answers or no answer. Only a few problems have a single answer. (5) Most general statements are false, including this one. (6) An exception – test a rule; it never proves it. (7) The moment you have worked out an answer, start checking it; it probably isnt right. (8) If there is an opportunity to make a mistake, sooner or later the mistake will be made. (9) Check the answer you have worked out once more – before you tell anybody. – Edmund C. Berkeley

Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.

Putts Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.

It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Ozmans Laws: (1) If someone says he will do something without fail, he wont. (2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make. (3) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldnt. (4) Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.

A young girl is wandering through a park in the pouring rain, when she comes across 3 dogs. Being a bit of an animal lover, she approaches them, bends down and starts to stroke one of them: Ah, youre lovely, arent you? she says to the first dog. Whats your name? To her surprise, the dog actually answers her, My names Huey, and Ive had a great day going in and out of puddles.

Delighted with this discovery, she moves on to the next dog. And whats your name then? Again, unbelievably, the 2nd dog answers her, My names Lewy, and Ive had a great day going in and out of puddles. And so she moves on to the last dog. Let me guess, she says. your names Dewy, and youve had a great day going in and out of puddles.

No, replies the last dog. My names Puddles, and Ive had an awful day!

Just about the time when your income gets to the point where food prices dont matter, calories do.

Afternoon: that part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.

No problem is so formidable that you cant just walk away from it.

This womans husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?

What dear, she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

I think youre bad luck…..