Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said concentrate on it.
31
Dec
31
Dec
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
31
Dec
Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
A: Thanks for the refill!
31
Dec
Q: Why dont blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: She cant find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
31
Dec
A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.
She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box.
The blonde answered, No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail.
31
Dec
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
31
Dec
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
31
Dec
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, Whatll you have? The guy answers, A scotch, please. The bartender hands him the drink, and says Thatll be five dollars, to which the guy replies, What are you talking about? I dont owe you anything for this.
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, You know, hes got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, Okay, you beat me for a drink. But dont ever let me catch you in here again.
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, What the heck are you doing in here? I cant believe youve got the audacity to come back!
The guy says, What are you talking about? Ive never been in this place in my life! The bartender replies, Im very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.
To which the guy replies, Thank you. Make it a scotch.
31
Dec
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.
You arent going to catch many fish that way, said the businessman to the fisherman, you should be working rather than lying on the beach!
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, And what will my reward be?
Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish! was the businessmans answer.
And then what will my reward be? asked the fisherman, still smiling.
The businessman replied, You will make money and youll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!
And then what will my reward be? asked the fisherman again.
The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fishermans questions. You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you! he said.
And then what will my reward be? repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry. Dont you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!
Once again the fisherman asked, And then what will my reward be?
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, Dont you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You wont have a care in the world!
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, And what do you think Im doing right now?
31
Dec
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didnt dance a single step!
So? asked the ducks former owner, did you remember to light the candle under the pot?