Old and New Jokes

Have you heard the one about the . . . .

. . . colored man who saw his girlfriend in a sack dress and said, Honey,
is you in fashion or is you in trouble.

I once had dinner in a German-Chinese restaurant. The food was delicious,
but an hour later, I was hungry for power.

In the international school of Ireland, there is a very patriotic history
teacher.

One day, the teacher asked his students, Who is the most important man in
the history of the world? He then offered 2 shillings to the student who
gets the right answer.

A French student stands up and says, Napoleon was the most important man
in the history of the world.

The teacher looked at him and said, Napoleon was a great man, no doubt,
but he wasnt the most important man, or the man Im looking for. Sorry, no
shilling for ya.

Then, an Italian student stands up and says, Leonardo da Vinci was the
most important man in the history of the world.

The teacher looked at him and said, Leonardo da Vinci was a great man
also, no doubt, but he wasnt the most important man, or the man Im
looking for. Sorry, no shilling for ya either.

Then, a Jewish student stands up, out of no where and says, To me, the
most important man in the history of the world is St. Patrick.

The teachers eyes became wide with joy and shouted, YES! This is the man I
was waiting for! St. Patrick is the greatest man in the history of the
world!! Here are ya 2 shillings. Ya earned them!

After class, the teacher comes up the the happy Jewish student and asks,
You are Jewish… then how come you said St. Patrick is the most important
man in the history of the world?

Then the Jewish student replyed, Well, in my opinion, Moses was the most
important man in the history of the world…but as you know, business is
business.

What is a Japanese girls favorite holiday?

– Erection Day.

How do you mate an [ethnic] male with a pig?

There are some things even a pig wont do.

Leroy was a 17 year old ninth grader. Leroy got this homework assignment
in his Ebonics class. All he had to do was use each of the following words
in a sentence. The following is how he completed the assignment.

Rectum: I had two Caddilacs but my ol lady rectum.

Hotel : I gave my woman da crabs and da hotel evabody.

Odyssey : I told my bro, man, you odyssey da tits on da hoe.

Stain : My muda-in-law axed me if Im stain for dinna agin.

Seldom : My cousin give me tickets to da Warriors game so I seldom.

Penis : I went to da docta an he hanned me a cup and said penis.

Foreclose : If I pay alimony dis munf, Id have no muny foreclose.

Undermine : Dares a fine lookin hoe livin in da partmunt undermine.

Disappointment : My parole offcer tel me if I miss disappointment he
gonna kill me

Tripoli : I was gonne buy my ol lady a bra but I coudnt find no
Tripoli

Income : I just got in bed wit dis hoe and income my wife

Honor : At da rape trial da judge axed my bro who be honor first.

Fortify : I axed da hoe how much and she said fortify.

Israel : Alphonso tried to sell me a Rolex. I said man dat looks
fake and he said no Leroy, Israel.

Leroy got an A on his assignment.

How do you kill 1,000 mexicans?

– Blow up K-Mart.

How do you kill 10,000 mexicans?

– Blow up K-Mart after it has closed.

What do you call a barn full of negros?

Antique farm equipment.

What would cheeta be if Tarzan and Jane were Jewish?

A fur coat

What would cheeta be if Tarzan and Jane were Polish?

A gifted child

What would cheeta be if Tarzan and Jane were Italian?

The other woman

How do we know that the Toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?

– Had it been invented anywhere else it would have been called a Teethbrush.